Monday, January 31, 2011

Dreams: Gums and Teeth

This dream has me more freaked out than the sharks.

We all have a set of teeth above our top teeth - much like a shark, I suppose, only human teeth.

I lifted up my lip to clean these upper teeth and noticed that a portion of my skin was stuck together inside my mouth at the top where the inside of your cheek and gum line meet.  So, I pulled to separate them.  Left side, good.  Right side?

Black. Long.  Fuzzy.  Mold. 

I immediately grabbed the mouth wash and proceeded to brush my teeth so hard my gums were bleeding.  But I didn't care - the long, hair-like black mold was gone.

Anyone else as grossed out as I am?  Would anything in "Return of the King" have anything to do with this?

Saturday, January 29, 2011

30-Year-Old Virgin

Yes, I am a 30-year-old virgin.  And proud of it.

When my friends ask how on earth I've accomplished this feat,  I jokingly respond, "Well, I don't know what I'm missing.!"  You know what?  I've got a pretty good idea I'm missing something pretty spectacular.

But what I'm gaining is even more spectacular.

I've never had to worry about unplanned parenthood, STDs, shaving my legs (or maybe I don't worry about that because I had laser hair removal), moving too quickly in a relationship, giving a man the wrong idea, the "morning after" regrets, the strong emotional attachment that develops, UTIs, birth control prescriptions, the list goes on.

I have gained self-control, respect for myself and the men I date, respect for my body, modesty, and purity of mind and body.

You can probably think of a few reasons I have ended up in this "situation": unattractive, SSA, socially awkward, no lust, lack-of confidence,  lack of quality men to date, and the list continues. 

I assure you, my decision is entirely my choice. And, I assure you, I have had my fare share of temptation.  Most importantly, I have a strong faith in my Heavenly Father and the standards my choice of religion -The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - has set forth before me.

I look forward to sharing this part of myself with my husband some day.  Not to sound too 1950's, but I can't think of a more amazing gift.  I will continue to uphold my standards.  I'm in no hurry.  I've lasted this long...

Friday, January 28, 2011

When a Headache is Good

Once upon a time I head a headache.
As I only get these monstrosity's referred to as "headache's", which are more like "head pulsating, squeezing-brain-to-smithereens aches," about six times per year, I proceeded to act like a baby and announce it to the world via Facebook.
And that evening, not one, not two, but five men texted or called to see if I needed anything. And another one just to say hi.
Hmmm...I may be on to something here.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Beep in the Night

Riddle me this:

What purpose does texting someone of the opposite sex at midnight serve?  What could possibly be so pressing that you want to start a conversation* via text at midnight?  I can think of several reasons, most of them on par with "up to no good."

Answers?  Do you do this?

*The most common offender texts usually contain, "Hey!" or, "What's up?" After 11pm?  Really? 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Taylor Swift

I've often found myself listening to*/overhearing one of Taylor Swift's catchy little ditties, thinking, "Man, keep dreaming, lil youngin.'  The real world isn't like that - you sing of fantasies.  Wait until reality hits you."

How cynical can I be?  I listen to her fairy tale dreams and immediately reason why none of that is possible.  Too many of us have let the harsh world of experiences wipe away our dreams. What is a man if not his dreams?  We cannot deny ourselves of this.

Thanks for the reminder to keep dreaming, Swift.

*on the radio or at the gym, I don't own any of her music - I appreciate her talent, but not enough to buy her music

Monday, January 24, 2011

Biggest Loser

I have several dear friends who have made the journey to obesity and back again, as have I.  We could talk for hours and hours just about how we feel, our struggles, our triumphs.

I will warn you, in our conversations regarding fitness, we liberally use the word "fat."  My former fatties and I feel it is okay to use this term because we've been there.  We know what we were.  And it was fat.  Five years of my life I qualified as "obese," although I rode the "overweight" roller coaster intermittently for an additional eight.

One of the things I commonly express is, "Once you've been fat, there is a part of you that always feels like that insecure little fat girl inside."  The challenges do not stop once the weight is gone, which I will blog about later.  My heart will always go out to those struggling with a challenge I faced for thirteen years. 

"Biggest Loser,"  really gets me.  By "gets me," I mean, I do that really heavy breathing, short little sniffles, "I'm not gonna cry" business.  I was never in as desperate a situation as these folks, but whether you need to lose ten pounds or a hundred pounds, there is still a lot of hard work involved...tears, sweat, digestive woes, roller coasters, stress, you name it.  I know what it feels like.  I know where they are headed.  I ache for them.  I rejoice for them.  There is nothing in the world to describe the process emotionally and physically.  Man, I'm doing the "I'm not gonna cry" business just writing this.

How many of you can relate?

Love your Body, I Do

I have been told I have a disproportionately high amount of stories that somehow involve el bano, the bathroom, the potty, what-have-you.  True.  Here's another.

The disturbing Reese's wrapper in front of the gym toilet wasn't what caught my attention, it was a little sticky note on the stall wall above the toilet paper: "Love your body.  I do."

I have encountered so many women there who clearly have eating disorders or laxative addictions (yes, you learn too much in the bathroom) or clearly distorted body images (both ways).  Here was someone who wanted everyone to know to love love your body.  Perhaps the stall wall was not the most awesome of places to do this, but to me the decision was brilliant.  Women are vulnerable and in the middle of a workout to keep their bodies in check...just seeing that little note of encouragement gives me strength.

At home, a day earlier, I was perusing through, "Marie Claire," of all things (I have this twisted feeling that, if I have a magazine subscription, even if attained for free, I have to read the magazine before I throw it away.  Not reading the thing is such a waste, ya know?). An ad with graffiti caught my eye.  Upon a locker, you see, "Caitlin, your face looks like a pretty flower."  In small print is written, "be nice behind someone's back."  A little research shows me this is a campaign from the deodorant company, Secret.  But I don't care.  It's awesome. 
I love that someone at the gym was being nice behind someone's back...literally *giggle.*

What can you do to be nice behind someone's back?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Larissa-isms: MOQ

Here is another fun "Larissa-ism:" MOQ.

These letters stand for "Make Out Quality."

Mostly this applies to if an individual is wearing something extremely pleasing to the touch.  A cashmere sweater, for example, is totally MOQ.  You will find this acronym is great for flirting.  Tell a man his sweater is MOQ and he becomes all intrigued and will pester you for weeks or months until you confess, if you should so choose.  Guaranteed extra attention.  Use it!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Dreams: Tow Trucks, Ghosts, and Sea Monsters

This week has been a gold mine of absurdity in my dreams.  Enjoy!

Sunday Night
Grandma's house has always had an eerie vibe, my great aunt who is a witch (this part is true, not in the dream) says the house is haunted, probably because my grandfather died there.  This was the setting.  My car had broken down at my aunt and uncle's house a ten minute drive away.  We were all piling into a car to pick up my car, when I saw my grandmother in the driver's seat.  That is reason enough to panic and hop out of the car, but I had also left my purse and keys on the kitchen table.  When I hopped out, asking them to trade drivers and wait, they just drove off and left me there!  I entered the house again but the ghosts wouldn't let me get to my things.  Every time I tried to exit, they would float me around and lightly bump me into walls.  I had no control - it was like a roller coaster up and down through the air.  I realized they were more pestering ghosts, not scary ones, but was still scared out of my wits.   Then some tow truck guys entered and a girl who helped me get out of the house. The girl and I started the walk to my aunt and uncles while a young boy teased us.

Tuesday Night
A man tricked me into kissing him, but then he changed into a former flame mid-kiss.

Wednesday Night
I had a flat tire and needed towed.  I remember carrying the "flat tire" to a man to tell him about my woes, except what I was carrying looked more like a deflated, tire-shaped balloon.

Thursday Night
Hawaii!  I was all alone on a walk around the island and entered an off-the-beaten-path tourist center with wooden stairs down to a wooden deck.  No one was around.  The deck was perched above the ocean and to the right I could see a beautiful beach.  Sparkling water glimmered while the sun kissed my skin, the Hawaiian mountains enchanting me across the bay. Beneath the deck, and in the water around me, I could see beautiful spotted whales. Then I saw something that dwarfed these serene creatures - a gargantuan sea monster!  His skin wasn't so much scaly, but bumpy and ridgy like a dinosaur, except the bumps were orange spots.  I never saw his face, just glimpses of his massive body through the floor boards of the deck. This ancient fellow had awakened because of me!  He began trying to break the deck.  As I ran out, two girls started to enter the building despite the massive earthquake-like building shakes.  I then felt compelled to watch the sea monster break free, but decide running away was a better option.

Back to reality.  I woke up and headed to the gym, but still in somewhat of a fog at 5:45am, I felt as if the sea monster were going to burst through the dark road underneath of me. 

Have fun interpreting!

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I'm really into confessions/divulging lately.

My favorite type of music is oldies stuff from the 50s and 60s.

I'm sure most of you are not surprised.  I listen to anything and everything, but I find myself breathing a huge sigh of happiness every time one starts playing in my ipod, or I hear one over the loud speakers in a store, or someone performs one. The cares of the world almost melt away, my woes disappear, my foot starts tapping - before I know it, I have clarity of mind and a refreshed mood has overcome me.

Oldies rock.

Naughty Foods

My darling lil Miss Megan asked me this question in response to my dislike of donuts, cakes, pastries, and pies:
"What are your naughty food weaknesses? Fried food? Butter? Ice cream? The evil part of me hopes that there's something, so that I don't feel so piggy! (Mmm, bacon.)"

Clearly, as I was once told by a physician I was clinically obese, I have some weaknesses.  With her mention of bacon, however, I have to mention I also do not like ham.  I only eat absurdly crunchy/burned-ish bacon.   That evolves into my general dislike for any suspicious meat, mostly due to texture and juices, and is a topic for another day.

Most often, when I pick my poison for my "free" days, I involve some lethal combination of the following:
Peanut M&Ms
Creamy Caramel NestEggs (only around Easter)
Smart Cookie (Gushing Blog Here)
Carl's Jr. Jalapeno Burgers
Little Caesar's Pizza
Ben & Jerry's Milk & Cookies
Sandra Nestman's Brownies (she's my co-worker and makes the best in the world)
Cookies, cookies, more cookies, and my cookie dough
Dallas Erekson's popcorn (he's my bud and movie night host and makes the best in the world)
French Fries

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Larissa-isms:The Elevator

I have funny "Larissa-isms."

These are things I say that no one really knows what I am talking about unless they know me. In my mind, I originated these cools things, but I'm not going to say I originated these for the world, as I'm sure there are other genius people who utilize these isms.

Today, I will introduce you to "The elevator."

This means that the offender is moving their eyes up and down to examine an attractive individual, as if riding "The elevator" with their eyes.  Occasionally, the offender will stop off on different "floors."   

Yes, I have caught offenders and have asked, "Were you just riding the Larissa elevator?"  They have all blushed and laughed and confessed cause the phrase is just so darned ridiculous.  Use it!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Pay Phones

A courthouse in Iowa recently learned that the fees they paid to have a payphone available, based on the 11 times in one year the phone was actually used, cost them $69 per phone call instead of bringing in money.

Pay phones are definitely on the way out.  The reporters were discussing if they could remember when the last time they used a payphone was.  Not only could they not remember, but also I could not remember.  Then I thought if I had even seen someone using a payphone recently.

Interestingly enough, these thoughts caused me to realize that every time I have seen someone using a payphone recently, I have become suspicious of their character.  Who are these people who must use a phone that is less easy to trace?  Why don't they have a cell phone?  And why are they at this creepy gas station or standing on the corner?  What kind of shenanigans are they involved with?  I then guard my purse with extra caution.  How ironic that something that was once so normal is now indicative of a someone of whom to be leery. 


When I am sitting with a man and stand up first, or walking up stairs in front of a man, or doing my gym squats in the line-of-site of a man, or, well, you get the picture, I am always paranoid. 


I feel his eyes observing me as callipygous.  I'm not conceited, I just know what I've been told by people of the male gender previously about how they sneak peaks here and there in seemingly innocent situations.


Monday, January 17, 2011


Have you seen "Hairspray" yet at Midvale Main Street Theatre

You need to.  One of my besties, Leah Jacobs, plays MotorMouth Maybelle, and I have never seen her perform at a higher level.  I'm not saying this because I love her and love the way she does my hair (true story!), but because she is phenomenally talented. The audience roared for her, even mid-song...they all loved her too!  She brought down the house.

Not only is Leah every theater's dream-come-true, the entire cast exceeded my every expectation.  Kat Stoutsenberger is sparkling as Tracy Turnblad, a role she was born to play.  You will be unable to stop yourself from smiling every time she busts a move, which is when her character truly shines.  Her understudy played Little Inez the night I went, Lawrence...what a voice!  Russ McBride is a king of improv and had me busting a gut with his Edna Turnblad alongside Wilbur, Eric McGraw.  And I can't forget Cassidy Ross as the endearingly annoying Penny.  You do, however, have to keep in mind that this is Utah, and we do lack in the category of non-caucasian performers.

One of the local news stations did an adorable segment on them.  I've seen many of them perform before and I have never seen them perform better than in this show.  If you enjoy the musical or movie, "Hairspray," at all, you need to go see them before January 29 (details on the photo)!  The intimate venue adds to the experience.  You won't regret it.  If you want to go, I'll come with you!  Buy tickets here.
Looks like the local theater "reviewer" agrees with me too!  Read the review here.

Uplifiting Obama

In honor of Civil Rights' Day...

I'm pretty neutral as far as politics go.  I don't talk about them.  I do listen...every day.  When I take tests to tell me if I am an Elephant or a Donkey, the results are a line down the middle.  I registered  to vote as "unaffiliated."

Either way, I did appreciate the gist of what President Obama had to say in response to the Arizona shootings. Apparently a lot of other folks did too, as this speech caused his approval rating to shoot up to 54%.

"We may not be able to stop all evil in the world, but I know that how we treat one another, that's entirely up to us. And I believe that for all our imperfections, we are full of decency and goodness, and that the forces that divide us are not as strong as those that unite us."

Well said, President.  I couldn't agree more.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


Given all the hullabaloo raised recently by the crazy astrologists recreating the signs of the zodiac, I thought I'd take a gander at the updates.  I'm still a Virgo.  Which means, no matter what millennium I decide to visit, my traits shall remain the same. I don't buy into these shenanigans, but I do find them intriguing to peruse.

What are these traits?  I've pasted them below.

Do you agree with them?  Is this me?  I find one blatant contradiction and the rest are so spot-on I am quite shocked...I mean, these are secrets about me no one is supposed to know!


  • Virgos are hardworking, reliable, logical and highly intellectual. Most have sharp minds and a strong work ethic. 
  • Virgos have a knack for detail work and sorting and organizing both information and objects. They tend to compartmentalize things in their own minds and to view the world through an analytical lens. 
  • As a result, Virgos are rational, practical and adaptable. However, on the negative side, they have a tendency to fuss over little details and in some cases suffer from obsessions and compulsions.

Practical Skills and Talents

Many Virgos have talents in science, linguistics or mathematics. They tend to excel in medicine, biology, nutritional science, editing, writing or accounting, and are often good at crossword puzzles and other word-related pursuits. Additional Virgo talents include design and research. Virgos are perfectionists and whatever they do, they need to do it thoroughly and get it exactly right or they feel dissatisfied.

Diplomatic and Introverted

Intelligence, modesty and diplomacy enable Virgos to get along well with most people, though they like to spend time alone and may prefer the company of animals to that of people, unless they have many fire or air signs in their natal charts. Even the more extroverted Virgos will usually hang back in social situations until they’ve assessed the people around them. They don’t like to put themselves forward until they know what sort of people they’re dealing with.

Cautious and Choosy

Virgos are cautious in most of their endeavors. They like to examine all variables before making decisions, and they are slow to trust because they don’t like to be vulnerable. Because of this, Virgos don’t fall in love easily and they are very choosy about their mates and friends. They are drawn to people through intellectual curiosity rather than shallow physical attraction or passion. Virgos need intellectual stimulation, and will quickly grow bored in the company of those who make small talk rather than speaking of serious, important things.

Frugal and Reliable

Virgos are cautious with their money. They live frugally and don’t make frivolous expenditures, unless the ascendant falls in a more extravagant sign. Purchases are usually well thought out rather than made on a whim. Virgos deal with stress by working on things, making things, cleaning things or analyzing things rather than by shopping.
Virgos can be critical of others and incredibly hard on themselves. As a result, most can be relied on to keep their promises and fulfill their obligations, and they have little tolerance for those who cannot.

Fastidious and Health Conscious

Virgos prefer to have exceptionally clean houses and clothing. Most shower or bathe and wash their hands more frequently than other people. They tend to take good care of their belongings and clothing, and dress somewhat conservatively or in comfortable, practical clothing rather than flashy outfits.

Virgos are health conscious and most follow modern research that relates to diet, nutrition, vitamins, and in some cases, herbology and naturopathic medicine.
Virgos are prone to worrying, agonizing over things, and in extreme cases, hypochondria or germ phobia. However, for the most part they show common sense in all health-related behaviors. Virgos have fluctuating health and under stress can suffer from anxiety attacks and digestive difficulties. Bad nerves are a common Virgo affliction.

Self-Sacrificing and Emotionally Secretive

Virgos are very cool under pressure and thus are great people to have around in a crisis. Oddly enough, they actually deal better with adverse circumstances than minor irritations. Virgos have a strong desire to serve a good cause, and for this they can labor intensively, even for little reward. Many do charity or volunteer work, and others are drawn to medical, caretaking and rehabilitative jobs.
Virgos have a strong need to be needed and a talent for healing the sick, giving good practical advice and assistance, and solving problems for others. Their advice is usually worth following because it tends to be based on a thoughtful analysis of the pros and cons of a potential course of action rather than a knee-jerk emotional reaction.

Endurance and Self-Control

Virgos are willing and able to take on difficult jobs. They have a lot of endurance and under the most traumatic of circumstances they can appear calm, cool and collected. Though most people wouldn’t guess it, many Virgos are actually quite anxious or self-conscious, but they maintain good poker faces.
Virgo intellectual detachment prevents emotions from shaping actions, which usually keeps fights and destructive impulses to a minimum, unless the ascendant falls in a more passionate sign. However, this exceptional self control can make Virgos appear cold, and this perception is exacerbated by the Virgo ability to walk away from relationships suddenly without looking back. Because they tend not to show emotion or express their feelings openly, when Virgos are unhappy in a situation, their partners may not know until it is too late. And Virgos disentangle from people relatively easily, making the decision to go based on rationality and logic rather than emotion.

Active and Fit

Virgos don’t usually gain an excessive amount of weight because they are always active, and they are inclined to exercise even if they don’t enjoy it because they are naturally health conscious and have plenty of willpower. They feel lazy if they are not doing something worthwhile at all times, despite the fact that they tend to achieve far more than most people over the course of any given day.
Many Virgos are fussy about food, eating sparingly or only very specific foods. Food sensitivities and aversions often prevent them from eating as much junk food as those of other signs. As a result, most stay relatively slim and fit throughout their lives, unless the ascendant is in a more self-indulgent sign.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


I did my weekly vacuuming this morning.  I once upon a time had fantasies of owning a Dyson vacuum.  I'd heard legends of how this particular vacuum was the greatest in the world.

Then I logged into consumer reports and viewed the results of their testing.

Looks like my current $50 Featherlite bagless from Target is only 4 measly points below the Dyson.  Dream shattered.  Money saved.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Waste Measurement

I read this status update: "Going to buy a measuring tape to take my waste measurement to keep me motivated on the New Year's resolutions..."  Hmmm...not sure how measuring your waste is going to help, but more power to you.

Early Morning Buffness

It's not what you think!

I once blogged about my ability to leg press 315 pounds, and the accompanying ability to launch a fat dude. 

This morning, I leg pressed my usual 270 pounds fifteen reps.  Upon not feeling any muscle exhaustion, I went up to 315 for fifteen reps.  I must have gained super powers overnight because even that was easy!  The thought hit me, "What the hay!" And I successfully completed fifteen reps at 360 pounds!  Holy buffness, Batman!

Lots of other great things about today:
  • Friday!
  • I got to leg press, squat, etc. to this little ditty (maybe four times) on my rockin' Gen 5 Nano w/ Marshmallow Earbuds.  
  • My landlord is fixing the plumbing today on the tub that has had constantly running water since I moved in about three years ago.
  • I get to go to Desert Star Playhouse tonight to see a "Back to the Future" parody.  I've never been there.  Surprising, as I'm all over the local theater circuit.
  • I have a new, hilarious "really stupid mistake" story I can tell for the rest of my life, but I cannot go into detail on public forum. 
  • I'm up to 40 blog followers!  Thanks, everyone!

Thursday, January 13, 2011


What's that?  You want another confession?


Strange as it may seem, when I go on a first date with a guy, I totally size up his lips for kissing potential.  The number of those lips I end up kissing is greatly disproportionate to the number I size up, which is why I find this thing I do so hilarious.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Donuts, Cakes, Pastries, and Pies

Are you drooling yet?  Suffering immense cravings for these sweet treats?

Well, I have another confession.  I don't like donuts, cakes, pastries, or pies.

There are always exceptions to the rules.  Every five years or so, I develop an unquenchable desire for Krispy Kreme chocolate-covered, cream-filled bliss.  If I don't snub a cake, it is typically a funfetti cake with rainbow chip frosting. If I am ever in Boston's Little Italy, I will have a cannoli.  Lastly, I do enjoy "pie's" without a pastry crust - such as key lime. 

I've probably made all of your blacklists because I am clearly out of my mind.  Then again, you may want to invite me to every party you attend - more treats for you!  If my event invites start going up now, I'm going to call you on it.

The rule

The exceptions to the rule, but few and far between

Drinking Fountains

What is the exit strategy for leaving a drinking fountain?

I wonder this every time I get a drink at the gym.

"Ok, if I back up, the person behind me will do the awkward "get out of the way" dance with me.  If I turn to the side, I may run into someone walking by.  If I turn around, I run face-first into the person behind me..."

I take my drink, stand up, and face the inevitably perplexing awkward events about to ensue.

What do you do?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Bon Jovi

Bon Jovi is touring.

Guess who has dreamed of seeing Bon Jovi in concert for, oh, about 12 years now?

My freshman year of college there was a certain road trip to Las Vegas.  "Living on a Prayer" came on the radio and I busted that thing out at the top of my lungs.  Apparently I'd been too wrapped up with my studies for any of my peers to know I'm awesome and amazing in every way, but they all said, at that moment, they knew I was a friend for keeps.  How precious.  Needless to say, for that reason and many, many others (hello, have you seen him?), I added "see a Bon Jovi concert" to my as-of-yet-unwritten bucket list.

Guess who just bought herself lower-bowl tickets for Salt Lake City on March 22?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Wedding Planner

I've been feeling this for awhile, but I've feared confessing will bring animosity to my name.

Serendipitously, "Wedding Planner" was on at the gym Saturday morning, reinforcing my decision to confess.

*deep breath*  

I don't want to plan a wedding. 

Every little girl dreams of her wedding her entire life, right? Not me.

I have planned more parties and events than I could even attempt to count.  I even plan events for a living.  Event planning = stress/work. 

If I'm planning a party, like my annual "A Christmas Story" pajama party, no one expects anything other than friends, free food, and a good movie. If the ***t hits the fan, oh well! Expectations are, oh, just a little different for a wedding.

What do I want for my wedding, you ask? 
I want a groom.  That's a given.
And I want a pretty dress.
That's it.
I could care less about all of the pomp and circumstance...I don't even like cake!  I seriously might break down with an anxiety attack.  If someone wants to pay for a wedding planner and have them do all of it?  Great, I'm all over it, but I certainly can't afford to pay for that kind of arrangement.

Friends and parents on both sides will surely not be okay with my lack of desire for wedding day party "bliss."  I would be all over an informal gathering at a later date for celebrating, however, I will surely be a part of planning some elaborate event that will stress me to the max and taint what everyone builds up to be the "best day of your life."  If I have a groom that is NID (not into details), well, he better start getting ID (into details) quickly or he will find himself lacking a bride - I can almost guarantee I'm as uninterested as him.  The bride traditionally plans things because she's the one who cares.  And I don't.  The whole thing wreaks of stress.

Or maybe I'll just never get married.  That would solve that problem.  I've done good at this thus far...

I Like Your Clothes

Why is it that when people tell us women they like something we are wearing we do not respond with, "Thank you"?
We respond with, "I got it at Maurices!  Half price!"

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dreams: Fluffy Blanket

I believe I have mentioned how much I love fluffy blankets.

I am particularly in love with my white Feather Soft Throw from Sam's Club.

I had this irrational fear of washing Feather Soft because I don't want it to lose the insane softness - I truly have never touched anything like it.  All reviews have indicated washing will leave it as soft, if not softer, so my fears subsided. I thought. 

In my dream last night, I arrived home to find my little sister (who lives in Ohio) had performed a sweet act of service - washing my laundry.  She then sheepishly held out my blanket for me.  "Noooooo!  You didn't wash it!  NOOOO!"  I grabbed the blanket and it was this matted mess of normal-blanket-feeling lint balls.  I was irate.  Apparently, in my dream, the blanket was also quite spendy because lil sis was very upset and said she would buy me another one if she could only afford it.  Steam was practically coming out of my ears.

Then I woke up surrounded by the luxury of Feather Soft....still as heavenly as can be.  Let this be a lesson to you all - don't mess with my blanky.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Loving Gym

In response to this post from my darling Foxy and Fabulous, and in trying to give myself and hopefully others a little more much-needed motivation this time of year, I have this to say:
When the things you want outweigh the things you don't want, then you will find the strength to make the changes you desire. 

Please note the clever use of "outweigh."  ;-)

I've often seen this gimmicky refrigerator magnet, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." 

Good point, not always true.  I mean, have the authors of that ever tasted Grilled Cheese Focaccia?  But, nine times out of ten, being fit and healthy is more satisfying than food or laziness.

I will go through spurts where I am eating whatever I want every night and waking up the next morning feeling just fine.  Then, magically, one morning I wake up feeling like a disgusting blob.  That is the turning point.  The point at which I decide that the feeling of being fit and healthy is more important than that delicious hamburger. And, if I just eat healthy most of the time, then I can have a hamburger the one time out of ten when the food does taste better than being healthy feels.

There are also the other things that you, and many others, cite as obstacles:
  • Discouraged
  • Hate going alone
  • Slacking off/lazy
  • Inability to do certain exercises due to previous injuries
  • Don't want to work out with gym nazi's
  • Don't want to have to shower/makeup/change clothes more than once per day
  • Don't want to have to have lingering sweat on a date/at work
You could go the easy road of simply cutting your calories to about 1400/day divided into three 300-calorie meals and three 150ish-calorie snacks with no exercise.  But sounds like you'd like to get that heart pumping and feel some tone in your muscles. 

I go back to, "When the things you want outweigh the things you don't want, then you will find the strength to make the changes you desire."   This is why I am the gym-lover I am today.  Of all the things I was making a priority in my life, I realized the benefits of the gym outweighed all the other priorities.  Longer life?  Better looking?  More vigor for life?  Health?  Yes, please!
Yes, going to the gym alone can be difficult, but what feels worse - temporary confusion at the gym or muffin top?  
And say this outloud: "I'm not going to the gym because I don't want to change my clothes twice today."  
Does this sound as silly to you as it does to me? 
Try this one: "I'm not going to the gym because I can't run."  Aren't there other ways to get your heart rate up?  Even just doing weights, if you do a circuit workout instead of a muscle group, your heart rate can stay above 140 in an interval fashion.
Honestly, the clothes-changing thing gets me too.  During shows, I often have to divide gym time into two sessions, that means I change my clothes morning, noon, noon, after work, after work, maybe again if I'm going out or need special rehearsal clothes, night.  Ugh!  BUT the payoff of gym time is worth the hassle of changing more times than should be legal.

And the sweaty thing?  That's a tough one.  If I know I am going out and unable to shower, I will only do my weights portion - that works me out with minimal sweat.  A quick brush off with a towel and changing back into your normal clothes solves that problem.  
If you want to be healthy, this needs to be part of your day like going to work or seeing your significant other - wake up an hour earlier, go later in the evening so you can shower before bed, delay your evening plans by an hour so you can run home and shower before your date.

Most people only need a workout routine three days per week - if one of those days is a day you don't have work, then you are really only inconvenienced two days per week - a small price to pay for waking up feeling great every morning. 

And, for the record, ten pounds is hardly "letting yourself go."  Just don't let yourself go any further than that.
Need more motivation? Some before and after photos from last year (view the last comment on this linked-to blog if you want the run down of what I did) - but before these I went through an equally radical change to get to the size of the before photo...roar!

Love the Way You Lie

I am the self-proclaimed queen of all bad puns.
I think I've found my king in the form of Eminem.
Hear me out.  As if "Just Lose It" weren't indication enough...
I was listening to "Love the Way You Lie" on the radio this morning - I appreciate the irony, emotion, and general statement the song makes.
However, these lyrics...well....there is just no excuse:
"Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane"
Seriously?  A most hilarious pun in the middle of this tragic song-story?  
Hats off to you, Marshall.  Hats off.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Hot Pants

 This brings a whole new meaning to the term "hot pants."

Search Terms v 2

Every so often I like to look at Google Analytics and share with you the best search terms that lead readers to my blog.

This batch is particularly entertaining: 
  •  dream about a ugly wrinkled baby watching
  •  is larrisa pregnant
  •  melissa explains it all wetting
  •  oggler
  •  pictures of killer sharks eating other sharks
  •  sitting on bed peeing
  •  wedgiewear
  •  butt slapping (still?!?  - c'mon pervies, cut it out!)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Meany Pants

I like to be clever and tell people they are wearing their smarty pants when they say something witty.  I also like to gently let them know they are being bratty and tell them they are wearing their meany pants.

I was at a blogger's block, so sorted through some ancient drafts of blogs I never published and found this outdated gem, that is definitely indicative of some meany-pants-wearage on my part. 

I may or may not have once told a man, "There are a few guys who would give their left nut to be with me and I pick the one who could care less."   (Who says that?!)

And I'm not the slightest bit regretful. I feel mean, but I feel it was called for.  And you can't argue with feelings:-)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Regular Life

This is my first full week of regular life since April - no shows, no rehearsals, no vacations, no auditions...just me and my regular life.  Maybe my "regular" life is my "irregular" life since it is a life I have not lead in eight months.

Either way, I'm excited.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Past Year's Resolutions: 2010

When one sets a goal, it has to be something thought long and hard about, something desired with all the heart and soul - not something you do just because someone tells you you should at a certain time of year.

For this reason, setting New Year's Resolutions proves to be a little difficult for me.  I actually don't do it.  I set a goal when I know the time is right and won't fall into a list of "goals I made but never accomplished."

If I had set resolutions for myself in 2010, and they looked something like the list below, I would not have disappointed myself.

1.  Have a fulfilling, committed romantic relationship (bonus -with one of my best friends, unbonus - it didn't work out)

2. Step up my gym routine of the past 5 years about 10 notches - getting into the best physical shape of my life and look better than I did when I was 15.

3. Star as one of my dream roles in a musical.  (bonus - one half my age)

4. Have a lead role in three productions.

5. Develop relationships with at least fifty new people, at least a dozen of those relationships strong and lasting.

6. Prove my professional work ability and be rewarded/recognized for my efforts.

7. Organize a trip of 20+ of my friends to visit New York City - over half of them for their first time.

8. Give generously to those around me.  (I even donated every single time someone asked me)

9. Learn to let go.  Not all things in our lives were meant to be there forever. (Including that once upon a time really awesome coat)

10.  Blog more regularly, resulting in doubling my number of blog followers - thanks, everyone!