Friday, August 31, 2012

Facebook Status Updates

I'd say my Facebook stream is flooded with 80% of these four types of status's:
     1. Remarks on having a bad day
     2. Remarks on political/religious beliefs or the beliefs of others and/or bashing said beliefs of others
     3. Plugs and attempted sales for multi-level marketing
     4. Threats to delete all people who keep posting status updates about the aforementioned three topics

Am I missing something?

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Saving at the Gas Pump

There is plague amongst my friends that has amused me for quite some time.  Most of us are bargain hunters at heart, but are you really getting a better deal when you drive around for the best gas prices?

Scenario 1
You are driving along the freeway and need gas.  Not too far-fetched, right?  You pull off the interstate and into the gas station to behold that the price is, let's say $3.79. Too much, you think.  So you head off to the next exit where gas is $3.69.  

Scenario 2
You need gas.  Costco is only five minutes from your house and $.20 cheaper than the place directly to your right at $3.79, so you take the extra ten minutes from your day to make the Costco journey for $3.59 gas.   

Scenario 3
You need gas.  You see a gas station.  You get gas at $3.79.

Assume your gas tank is 10 gallons and you get an average 30 mpg.  
Gas at $3.79/30 miles = .13 per mile.   
You make $20/hour.  Each minute of your time = .33

Scenario 1: Your Savings (-.93)
Your detour cost you five minutes.  $1.65. 
You ventured 2 miles extra - 1 off the freeway, 1 back on.  .26
You paid: $36.90 + .26 + $1.65 (or five minutes of your time) = $38.83
What you would have paid had you gotten gas at the first station: $37.90 

Scenario 2:  Your Savings (-1.82)
Your detour cost you ten minutes.  $3.30. 
You ventured 4 miles extra - 2 there, 2 back.  .52
You paid: $35.90 + .52 + $3.30 (or ten minutes of your time) = $39.72
What you would have paid had you gotten gas at the first station: $37.90  

Scenario 3: Your Savings (.00)
You paid $37.90

Photo taken 11.12.2008

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Do Unto Others As You Would Do To Yourself

Have you ever thought how terrible the world would be if you treated other people the way you treat yourself?  If we said the things to others that we say to ourselves?

We need to stop.

I recently had a friend ask me how I overcame some personal demons and kept my self-esteem on the up-and-up.  I shared with her that I am constantly reminding myself of all of my accomplishments, no matter how big or small.  Every time I complete a workout at the gym, I congratulate myself on the way out the door.  Every time I get through an especially long day of work, I head to my car rejoicing in my head, "I did it!  I made it!"  Every time I help a person in need, I think, "I did something good."  Even when I "fail," I remind myself how awesome it is that I tried. 

But how many times to you find yourself thinking, "I look fat.  I am stupid.  I shouldn't be allowed to speak in public because of the idiotic word vomit that spews forth.  I will never be a success.  I am failing at everything I do.  Other people my age are far better off than me.  My parents would not be happy with me.  What is the point?"  

Would you tolerate anyone saying those things to your friends?  What about someone saying those things to your face?  No.  No you would not tolerate it.  Why then is it okay to treat yourself this way? 

We have often heard "Love thy neighbor as thyself."  The key is to "Love...thyself."  Try it out.  Try defending and uplifting yourself as you would defend and uplift those you love. Just like any relationship, some parts will be a struggle, but exponentially rewarding in the end.

People I love at my bday party in 2010

Monday, August 27, 2012

When Your Bridesmaid Dress Doesn't Fit

What I should think
     Bridesmaid Dress:  $99
     Dress Custom-Made to Measurements: $40
     Shipping from China: $30
     Red Crinoline: $30
     Being Maid of Honor for my Sister's Wedding: Priceless

What I actually think
     Bridesmaid Dress that I'll never wear again:  $99
     Dress Custom-Made to Measurements that are clearly not mine but more likely a DDD buxom
          bombshell of a lady six-foot or taller: $40
     Shipping from China for each of seven dresses even though it was all in one box and there is no
          way the slowest shipping on the slowest boat from China was that expensive: $30
     Red Crinoline for under the dress that is so ill-fitted the crinoline makes me look like an obese
          tub-o-lard clown and will never be worn, ever: $30
     Alterations: $Kajillion that I don't want to spend because why spend another $100 in the case that
          the dress maybe might look a little better?
Total Cost: $199 + $Kajillion thrown right into the garbage disposal + incredible angst over looking
          terrible in all of the wedding pictures that will exist F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

I really shouldn't let these kinds of things peeve me.  Long story short, I used to look half-of-adorable and now I'm actually capable on rare occasions of looking adorable-and-a-half.  Some weird self-esteem tornado comes and takes me away when I have to revert back to a state that caused me some emotional grief to say the least.  Should I let appearances bother me this much?  No.  But it is my sister's wedding!  I am maid of honor!  Who wouldn't want to look top-notch?

You may think I am exaggerating, but when I put the dress on for my co-workers, they agreed.  We also all agreed that maybe just adding straps would take care of the bulk of the problem, which is mostly that the chest is two inches too large.  Yep.  Not a recipe for success when there are no straps.  And about six inches too long.  So much for custom measurements.  If I wear the dress as-is, I am a shoo-in for an accidental hybrid episode of Girls Gone Wild and What Not to Wear.

I have some options for a fix so the dress isn't as bad - don't worry.  I just needed a good vent...and a post that will embarrass me when I look back in a year.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Bras at the Gym

I don't care who you are.

I don't care how flat-chested you are.

I don't care how perky and fake your boobs are.

If you are at the gym, wear a bra.  Preferably of the sports variety, but any kind will do. 

Flashing headlights are for cars, not for public spectacle of your chesticles.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Confessions: I am Sometimes a People of Walmart

Friday night around 10pm, I got a random phone call to rescue a friend from a "I locked my keys in my car" situation.

Afterwards, due to my newly-acquired first-ever herpes infection (just the cold sore mentioned in my last post, gear down), I found myself desperate for a solution.  The cold sore was fixin' to bloom into something much larger than I was willing to cooperate with.

I'd planned on being in for the night and left the house willy-nilly in what I was wearing when I got the phone call. 

The Outfit:
Purple fleece pajama pants
Bright pink sweatshirt with glitter (this was a gift from my sister - I'm beyond purchasing glitter, unless it goes on my toes)
No bra
Hair in a sock bun

I didn't think anything of running to Walmart to pick up some Abreva.  Until I walked in and looked around.  I was snickering at people.  Then I looked down at my own ensemble.  I could hear the soundtrack for Psycho playing as I realized, "I am a 'People of Walmart.'" 

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

My First Cold Sore

I've never had a cold sore in my life.

Until last week.

I know, right?

This left me asking myself a million questions, after I did the research and photo-search (eww...please do yourself a favor and never, ever do a photo-search of cold sores) to verify my ailment.

Question:  Who have I been kissing?
Answer: I've only been kissing one particularly amazing fellow - and he doesn't get cold sores.

Question:  Could it be anyone I've ever kissed?
Answer:  Apparently not.  They manifest within three weeks of being exposed to the virus.  After the initial outbreak, this bugger of a virus can lay dormant in your system until all of the conditions are right to manifest.

Question:  SO...where did I get this?!?
Answer: Has someone been stealing kisses from me while I sleep?  I'm absolutely baffled. 

Monday, August 20, 2012

Shopping Carts

Am I the only one who, when I get a shopping cart with a wonky wheel which makes the cart nigh unto impossible to maneuver, keeps the cart and thinks, "Well, at least I'll burn a few extra calories this way..."? 

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Bachelorette Party - Girls' Night Invites

I am the Maid of Honor for my sister's wedding.  From 2,000+ miles away.  Poor girl.

She doesn't want a traditional Bachelorette party, she wants a girls' night pajama party sleepover the night before her wedding.  Sounds good to me!  I know she doesn't read my blog, so it won't spoil the surprise for her if I post what the invitations will look like.  I'm super-stoked about this.  She is getting married at home plate on the Cincinnati Reds' Great American Baseball Field in case I didn't mention that yet.

I'm putting together little "girls' night" kits to mail each of the girls who will be attending - probably about 15.  So far I have:
1. Red Crystal Nail Files (the wedding colors are red and black)
2. Buttons that say "Britney's Bachelorettes" and one for her that says "Bride" (because you have to wear something to commemorate the occasion, but those sashes are cliche and go too far)
3. Mini Nail Polishes
4. Tide Pens (Um, hello - weddings + ballpark food = something is bound to happen)
5. Individual-sized face masks (.5 oz. so they can come on the plane)

I am looking for one more thing - something to really put this over-the-top on the cuteness radar.  Any suggestions out there?  

I thought about buying a bunch of scrapbook supplies and having each girl make a page for her since she's into that, but I can't guarantee that anyone would remember and then remember to bring it - we are all over the country.   I thought about candy, but we'll have plenty of that there.  Maybe some hair clips?   Geez, I need some suggestions - help!

Check out the invitations (ignore the watermarks) and the buttons.  I'm excited!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Get Married and Just Make It Work

I was talking with my fella the other night about relationships past.  He mentioned that over the years he's been told some words that I'm sure all too many of us single folk have heard:

"Why don't you just find a nice person, get married, and make it work?"  

Why on earth would a person choose a partner for life on that premise?  Would you choose a business partner on the premise that you could make it work?  No!  You'd find the person who is the best type of match for you and your goals - someone you know will work hard by your side and has the attributes to create an equation of a successful relationship.  Because we are talking building the life business of eternity here.

I thought back to a young man I dated for a few months at the beginning of the year.  We got along Phelps and Olympic Medals.  But over the course of those few months, we came to realize a strong clash in our senses of humor, my passion for theater matched his dispassion for theater, and my desire to be in an exclusive relationship definitely did not match his desire to remain unexclusive until he knew he would marry the girl (I still don't know how you can know you can marry someone without first establishing the bonds of trust only found through an exclusive relationship, but now that is neither here nor there).  I also found that we were imbalanced in our dedication to work vs. personal life/adventures.  Yet, for those few months we enjoyed each other and saw potential in where the relationship could lead.

Could we have made a relationship work?  Yes.

Could we both find people who would make relationship-building a much less complicated ordeal?  Triple yes. 

Recently, that man became engaged to be married.  I am willing to bet my bottom dollar that the conflicts he and I had are non-issues with his future bride.  While he and I technically could have "made it work," I know he will have a much more fluid experience in loving someone that matches him in the ways he deems important.

Likewise, I am pleased as punch to be spending time with someone whom I don't share personality-defining conflicts with.  Cause, c'mon, all who know me know that my punaholicness is part of the charm of who I am.  And who would I be if I didn't bust into song randomly anytime, anywhere?  Or my readiness to jump at the chance for adventure?

Why would you try to make something work with a mismatched puzzle piece, when you can find a piece that fits you so much more?  I just don't get it.*  

*I recognize that once you are actually married, you work yourself to the bone to make things work, but that work seems like it would be a whole lot easier if you find a suitable match to begin with.  That isn't to say you need someone perfect, just someone who fits.