When Your Bridesmaid Dress Doesn't Fit

What I should think
     Bridesmaid Dress:  $99
     Dress Custom-Made to Measurements: $40
     Shipping from China: $30
     Red Crinoline: $30
     Being Maid of Honor for my Sister's Wedding: Priceless

What I actually think
     Bridesmaid Dress that I'll never wear again:  $99
     Dress Custom-Made to Measurements that are clearly not mine but more likely a DDD buxom
          bombshell of a lady six-foot or taller: $40
     Shipping from China for each of seven dresses even though it was all in one box and there is no
          way the slowest shipping on the slowest boat from China was that expensive: $30
     Red Crinoline for under the dress that is so ill-fitted the crinoline makes me look like an obese
          tub-o-lard clown and will never be worn, ever: $30
     Alterations: $Kajillion that I don't want to spend because why spend another $100 in the case that
          the dress maybe might look a little better?
Total Cost: $199 + $Kajillion thrown right into the garbage disposal + incredible angst over looking
          terrible in all of the wedding pictures that will exist F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

I really shouldn't let these kinds of things peeve me.  Long story short, I used to look half-of-adorable and now I'm actually capable on rare occasions of looking adorable-and-a-half.  Some weird self-esteem tornado comes and takes me away when I have to revert back to a state that caused me some emotional grief to say the least.  Should I let appearances bother me this much?  No.  But it is my sister's wedding!  I am maid of honor!  Who wouldn't want to look top-notch?

You may think I am exaggerating, but when I put the dress on for my co-workers, they agreed.  We also all agreed that maybe just adding straps would take care of the bulk of the problem, which is mostly that the chest is two inches too large.  Yep.  Not a recipe for success when there are no straps.  And about six inches too long.  So much for custom measurements.  If I wear the dress as-is, I am a shoo-in for an accidental hybrid episode of Girls Gone Wild and What Not to Wear.

I have some options for a fix so the dress isn't as bad - don't worry.  I just needed a good vent...and a post that will embarrass me when I look back in a year.

I Don't Wear Pants

I don't prefer pants...unless they are for Gym or pajamas.

I prefer to wear dresses.  Not just dresses, but really cute and girly dresses, much like unto Zooey or Dianna. 

Last weekend I was roughing it - knowing I was going to be in a backyard for a BBQ most of the evening - in jeans and a hoodie.  One of the young men may or may not have thought it extremely hilarious to attempt to wedgie-fy me.  Yep, people still try this at 32. 

I yipped, jumped, and screamed, "SEE!  This is why I never wear pants!"

That went over well...

I even wear dresses at the fair while playing with goats