Friday, May 29, 2009

Why is He Just Not That Into You?

I can humbly accept the fact when I am just not a particular young man's desired commodity. The elephant in the room traipsing, nay promenading about is, "Why?"

Analyzing this too much leads to self-deprecation, many a tub of Ben & Jerry's, and a consequential sugar don't do it!

My heart-your-face friend Anna has a philosophy that all the men who don't want us are indubitably gay. As true as that may be, I have a different school of thought: Ice cream.

Picture the dating pool as Baskin Robbins - 31 flavors of frozen delightfulness. Each of those flavors is someone's favorite, each of them is highly desirable to someone, somewhere. If my favorite flavor is chocolate raspberry, there is nothing you can do to convince me to want another flavor. If you ask, "What is wrong with the other flavors?" my answer will be, "Nothing! I just want this one."

Just because someone doesn't want your Very Berry Strawberry doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it. Soon enough, dreamalicious hunkomania is going to walk into your store and you are his favorite flavor. Rest assured, he is going to want to get him a piece of that! As Ross would say, "Grab a spoon."

Thursday, May 28, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You

I'm sure you have all seen the movie, but how about the book?

"He's Just Not That Into You," in my opinion, is a hard-knock of reality pie lambasted in the face of woman-kind in general. You know what else? That pie never tasted so good.

Countless hours have been spent lamenting over the woes of male/female communication with my darlings of the fairer sex. This lunacy will stop.

To sum it all up, when you ask yourself these questions, you now know the answer:
-He's giving all the signals, but not doing anything - what's the deal?
-Why isn't he calling?
-Why isn't he asking me out?
-Why isn't he committing?
-Why isn't he making a move?

He's just not that into you!

The reality is harsh, but if a man likes you enough, he will find a way to ask you out, no excuses. He is not too busy (seriously how long does it take to pick up the phone or send a text), too shy, too damaged, too out of town, or too anything else except too not into you! No matter how shy/busy/scared he is, he will find a way to overcome all obstacles if he is that into you.

Besides, do you really want a man who can't manage his time well enough to find 5 minutes to call you? Someone who doesn't call when they say they will (which by the way means they are definitely not thinking about you)? Someone who is so shy he can't even get over it enough to ask your awesome self out? Someone who has so many issues he can't look past himself? C'mon, seriously - you want that?!? Correct me if I'm wrong, but, don't you deserve more?

Yes, there are exceptions, but for the most part, you need to consider yourself the rule in these types of situations.

So why wouldn't he just tell you he isn't that into you?
Wouldn't you rather pull your teeth out one at a time sans medication than tell someone you know is fantastic that they aren't your kind of fantastic?

Ladies, if he wants you, he will come and claim you.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

U.S. Passport

I received my very first U.S. Passport in the mail yesterday!
For the next ten years I can go wherever I want in the entire world.
I never realized the shackles were upon me until I felt this freedom.
I can't wait for the Alaskan cruise:-)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Flowers & Chocolates

I have a philosophy about flowers.

They die.

That being said, I love them - I love being reminded that I am a dainty, delicate little female to be lavished (not ravished - get your mind out of the gutter).

That being said, they still die. I suppose I'd always appreciate a good low-cost bunch or single bloom, but when guys go out and spend beaucoup bouquet bucks, I feel so torn between guilty and giddy!

I was thinking about this because aforementioned "blind" date brought me a beautiful, darling bouquet of sunflowers and daisies! The week before, a dear friend who knew I needed some love, brought me over a mother's day arrangement (yes, I am a mom to a beautiful poofy-tailed little girl kitty).

Perhaps my guilt stems from the fact that I have never, and I mean never, dated someone who is better off financially than I am. Sad, huh?

I'd rather the money be spent on something lasting - chocolates (they definitely last on my thighs), a new DVD, a guest pass to come to the gym with me :-), or just anything that says, "I was thinking of you." Maybe no money spent at all - just a note left on my car. Wow, that would really get my heart thumpin'.
Or how about saving the money every time he thinks about spending on me and then we can do something awesome like skydive or take a trip to....anywhere!?!

Then again, you could argue that the memories and the thoughtfulness of the flower gesture last forever.

To flower, or not to flower? That is the question.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Blind Date

You know how some people get wise on you, and always think they are funny when you say, "I'm going on a blind date," and they say, "Is he really blind?"

What do you say when he really is blind?
"YES!" (then watch the interrogation team pause awkwardly)
He was only blind in one eye, but yeah...totally affirmative.

How many of you can say you've been on a true "blind date?" :-)

Monday, May 18, 2009


No, I didn't just misspell "nonsense"...I'm in the musical Nunsense!!!

My fantastic friend Leah Jacobs mentioned I should go audition with her, and methinks, "I haven't been in a show for five years and I sure do miss it...and it would be nice to have something outside of work besides Ultimate Frisbee and the gym that I am passionate about...ok...let's do this!"

Callbacks were Saturday, for two shows actually because auditions were for both at the same time - Grease and Nunsense. I felt pretty cool to make both callbacks, however, I walked into Grease and immediately felt geriatric and out-of-place. I was by far the oldest one there and I couldn't figure out why they called me back. Alas, I read my part, did my thing, felt good about it, but knew I stuck out like a sore thumb!
The best, most awkward part was when I read the part of Sandy with this guy who was reading for Danny. You gotta get a little..hmm...friendly. After the reading, he whispered in my ear, "You are so cute..." Awkward thought scrolling through my brain, "You are so ten years younger than me!" Poor guy, he just didn't know, he just didn't know...

I wanted to do Nunsense most because it is the epitome of hilariousness and most people are unfamiliar with it - guaranteeing more uniqueness and uncontrived laughs. I definitely fit in better with this group of folks and the quick-witted humor of the show. However, there are only five people in the entire show and one of them was already cast.

Imagine my joy when I received a call from the director yesterday asking me, Larissa Villers, to play the part of Sister Mary Leo! And my friend Leah is Sister Robert Anne!
Character description: A former professional dancer, always eager to display her talent. Young, impressionable, fresh, wide-eyed and easily led astray. Determined to become the world's first ballerina nun.

You know you wanna see some tap-dancing nuns! If nothing else, the thought of me dancing around in a habit should get you there:-) I am soooooooo excited!

You can see a clip of the song I will do here. Performances will be at Murray Park Amphitheater and are July 27-August 8.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Color Blind

I love my Grandma Betty and my Grandpa. My grandfather passed away in 1994, but I still remember they were such a darling, classic couple of the olden days. I'm talking your 1950s etiquette book example here.

My grandfather would always tell Grandma how beautiful she looked in pink. She has adopted pink as her trademark color - even down to her amazing, retro pink stove (from the 1950s and that sucker still works wonders).

Now, I have to point out the irony in the above story- my grandfather was completely color blind.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


What do you do if a female friend of yours has a certain favorite perfume she wears daily, but that perfume so happens to smell just like scented tampons?
I suppose it isn't too bad, since men don't know that smell, but it kinda grosses me out.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Coke v Pepsi

By a slim margin, Coke wins the day. But I voted twice due to a little cookie clearing incident. So technically it was a tie. Oy.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Pocket Pleasure

Along with the same theme of food here, cause that is pretty much my favorite theme - do you ever find food in the pocket of a winter coat the next year when you go to put on your coat? Do you eat said morsel? Cause I do.

A better treat may be finding an abandoned $5 bill, or old directions to a dear friend's home, or a nifty little magnet from some relief society activity(or not)...I've found 'em all!

What have you found in your coats of yore?

Monday, May 4, 2009


Do you eat food after you drop it on the floor?
Sure we hear about this 10-second rule, but... really....?

I've decided it isn't so much how long the object has been on the floor, but an equation of how much I want whatever it is I have dropped + a little bit the ooey-gooeyness of the object.

A piece of gum? Forget it - history.
A brownie? hmmm...depends on the deliciousness level.
An M&M? Oh yeah, we are good to go...that hard candy shell is a sure-fire protectant against all things germified.

Friday, May 1, 2009