8 Lessons I Learned From Being Called "Fat"

Has it been over two weeks since I was "called fat?"

I would say I've started a new chapter, except that I feel as if I've been reading this chapter all along, I just didn't know it...and now I do.

1.   I'm okay.  
I'm healthy.  I truly believe I will never again have to worry about the trials I once faced in regards to obesity.  I don't crave the same types of food I once did.  I crave working out.  There is a certain knowledge I have acquired over the past eight years of how wonderful life can be when we are living to our potential and I truly believe that knowledge is what will keep me on the right path.  As several of you wonderful readers shared with me alternatives I may want to consider to help me, I realized just how far I have come from eight years ago...and how "okay" I am...that I have, within myself, everything I need.  And I can do it.  I have done it.  I will continue to do it.   And when I feel like I am falling, I have friends and family to lift me back up.    

2.  Saying nasty words about a person who said nasty words doesn't help.  And I have friends who will "take care of the family" moreso than the mafia would (you know who you are).
I know, I know.  While I particularly appreciate the image of several of you "ripping out his balls," how is it okay for us to castrate him and not okay for him to tell me I look a little flabbier than when he first met me?  Although the pain is different, there is hurt and pain behind both of those comments.  Except that he honestly felt he was doing something helpful by pointing out to me that Snickers is no laughing matter.  How is ripping his balls out helpful?  You see my point.

3. If I gain or lose five pounds or a body fat percentage or two, that does not make me a failure or a success.
That makes me human.

4. I will forever keep the kind words and love you all expressed to me.  
I'm terribly sorry that I had to experience this kind of ignorance.  But if I hadn't, there are things almost 100 of you shared with me that I would never have known.  Now I know.  And my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions will never and can never be the same.

5. Don't wait a moment to tell anyone you admire all of the wonderful things you think about them. 
Couldn't we all hold our heads a little higher if we new exactly how much so many people out there felt for us?  Would this comment have bothered me so much if I had known how many people had felt inspired by watching my life evolve?  Would this comment have bothered me if, if, if?  Do not leave people wondering if they are important to you or if they have left an impact on your life in even the littlest of ways (like telling a singer he/she has a beautiful voice).  So what if you think it is weird to share with them a random compliment?  Wouldn't you rather sacrifice those few seconds of courage to give them a bit of knowledge they can carry with them forever?

6. Think about those experiencing your former trials before criticizing your past.
This young man should have thought about how much it would hurt before he tried to "help" me.  Likewise, I should have thought a little more about how my self-consciousness would make all of my friends feel who are currently struggling.  I remember having a roommate, who was at times frighteningly thin, always complaining about how fat she'd gotten, when she was clearly half my size.  One day, I took her aside and expressed to her, "Do you know how it makes me feel when you call yourself fat?  Do you know how much it makes me feel terrible and wonder about the terrible things you must think about me and my size?"
I need to feast upon my own words there.  And if I hurt anyone's feelings, I am extremely sorry...I would never intentionally inflict the kind of pain on someone else that I felt so many times...that I caused myself so many times.

7. My body ROCKS!
Seriously!  I have all the right curves in all the right places (whether they are more or less toned one month as they are the next is trivial).  My muscles all work.  These hobbit legs and kids-size tootsies can run five miles without stopping.  My heart can beat 150-170 beats per minute for an hour at a time and thank me for it when I'm done.  My hair is long and luscious.  My hazel eyes are the gateway to my soul.  I have enough energy to be the Energizer Bunny.
Most importantly, this body is mine.  If I treat it right, it will return the favor.  And it has.  I'm healthier now than I was ten years ago.  That says a lot, yes? 

8. My body size does not and will never impact my spiritual size.  
What a marvelous realization.
At first I was upset that people said, "No matter what size you are, I've always found you one of the kindest, most genuine people I know and that is more important than any ridiculous number."  Because, hey, what did I go through all that work for if I was no more attractive at a healthier stature?  Ohhhh...riiiight...I did this for my health and for my own self-image.  I cannot state enough how much my self-image grows when I know I have the unconditional love of so many lifting me up.

Experiences like this help me to keep loving myself as much as others love me.  And if a person doesn't love me or say loving words to me?  Doesn't mean I should love myself any less...whether or not there is more or less of me.   

A Lot More of This!

No more of this!

Testimonies and Body Image

Body Image.

Testimony.

How are these two things similar in my perception?

I feel as if they are things that people portray as something you have to have struggled with to have.

You always hear how the woman overcame her body image issues after the trial of an eating disorder or being chased around the playground by her sister's friends being called Miss Piggy (I haven't told you the Miss Piggy story yet?  Shame on me). 

You always hear how someone who hasn't had their testimony tree tested, requiring them to dig their roots deeper into the ground, will just fall over if a strong wind/trial ever comes along. 

Tell me, can't a woman simply have great body image?  Can't someone simply have a testimony?  I know the whole bit about "no witness until after the trial of our faith," yet I can't help but think of my own situation.

Many Sundays I have sat back listening to testimonies of absolutely amazing and spiritual people, thinking, "Wow.  I haven't been through any severe trials lately...or ever (I've had plenty of trials, don't get me wrong, just nothing I would call substantial).  I don't have anything to bear my testimony about."  The sarcastic side of me the thinks, "Guess I can't have a testimony if my life is good!"   Then you walk into the next meeting and you hear, "We need to thank the Lord in the times of happiness more often."  But...wait...how do we gain a testimony in times of happiness if we only have testimonies to bear in times of trial?

More recently, body image issue after body image issue has come to the surface in the media.  Women are fighting stereotypes more fiercely than ever before and reclaiming their love for themselves that they somehow lost over the "years of male oppression and stereotyping." (yes, insert sarcasm here - there is much more than just the natural man to blame)

But here is where I have a very unique mind frame and feel I am one of a few out there who can say this honestly and without bias.  I've been both places.  I've been obese.  I've been 17% body fat.  I am currently neither.  I don't care how proud of your body you are, if you are substantially overweight or out-of-shape, your health is in jeopardy.  Period.  End of story.  Exclamation point. 

I listen to all of these women talk about how they are proud at their 200 pounds and saying men are pigs because they won't love them at their size.  Seriously?  Sounds to me like you need to work more on whatever it takes to make you a person you love yourself!  First of all, if you think that being unfit is the reason men are not dating you, then change it.  You have control.  I'm not saying that is the reason men aren't dating you at all, I'm simply stating if you have control over something that bothers you so much you can't quit talking about it, then quit complaining and just do something.  I know it is hard.  Second, there is some natural instinct within each of us that triggers an internal alarm about certain things regarding "natural selection" of potential mates.  For me, that's obesity.  For some guys I've dated it's my sense of humor or interest in theater or, well, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been told more than once in the past four years that I'm not thin enough.   I've been there.  I know the health problems it causes.  I've watched my mother battle this monster her entire life and the resulting health problems that are slowly and prematurely killing her.  I do not want those issues in my future.  Why would I willingly jump into a situation with a partner who clearly has those issues? So, men, judge away if you think I'm a terrible person for not dating someone who doesn't take care of their health.  Ladies, judge away if you think I'm a terrible person for telling you to take care of your health.  To clarify, I'm not making a blanket statement that overweight is bad.  You can be healthy and overweight or thin and unhealthy, so what I'm saying is to simply be active, eat right, and take care of yourselves.

I know many, many of my readers are currently trying to conquer their battles with the obesity monster or the lack-of-testimony trials and I am practically brought to tears each time I think of what you are battling every moment of every day.  I wish I could take some of those burdens for you.  Please do not feel as if I am judging you, I'm simply trying to get a point across. 


I've had a testimony my entire life.   I've always had a perfect love for my Heavenly Father.  Never have I had a huge trial of my faith other than a bishopric from the land of you-have-no-life-obligations-outside-of-church-and-are-a-heathen-if-you-pretend-you-do.  Ah, yet another story for another time.  Anyway.  I've always known God loves me.  I've always known how important I am to Him and how intricately His hand is in my life.  Always.  I've questioned other things gospel-related, but this love I know.  Of this love, I am always sure.

Yet some people will say, "You can't really know unless you've had this trial."

I have struggled with my body image from the age of...as long as I can remember.  I've never had a perfect love for my body.  This is a battle I have to fight (and I win!) every day.  If you come to know something through a trial, then I should have the world's best body image!

Can it be okay to simply have a testimony and to simply have a good body image?  YES!  Don't make someone feel like they just don't understand and can never be on your level because they know God loves them without having to have had a trial of their faith.  Don't think someone is a conceited snob because they know they are a beautiful human being inside and out without ever having to have battled internal monsters.

Something to think about.

Do Unto Others As You Would Do To Yourself

Have you ever thought how terrible the world would be if you treated other people the way you treat yourself?  If we said the things to others that we say to ourselves?

We need to stop.

I recently had a friend ask me how I overcame some personal demons and kept my self-esteem on the up-and-up.  I shared with her that I am constantly reminding myself of all of my accomplishments, no matter how big or small.  Every time I complete a workout at the gym, I congratulate myself on the way out the door.  Every time I get through an especially long day of work, I head to my car rejoicing in my head, "I did it!  I made it!"  Every time I help a person in need, I think, "I did something good."  Even when I "fail," I remind myself how awesome it is that I tried. 

But how many times to you find yourself thinking, "I look fat.  I am stupid.  I shouldn't be allowed to speak in public because of the idiotic word vomit that spews forth.  I will never be a success.  I am failing at everything I do.  Other people my age are far better off than me.  My parents would not be happy with me.  What is the point?"  

Would you tolerate anyone saying those things to your friends?  What about someone saying those things to your face?  No.  No you would not tolerate it.  Why then is it okay to treat yourself this way? 

We have often heard "Love thy neighbor as thyself."  The key is to "Love...thyself."  Try it out.  Try defending and uplifting yourself as you would defend and uplift those you love. Just like any relationship, some parts will be a struggle, but exponentially rewarding in the end.

People I love at my bday party in 2010