I was talking with my fella the other night about relationships past. He mentioned that over the years he's been told some words that I'm sure all too many of us single folk have heard:
"Why don't you just find a nice person, get married, and make it work?"
Why on earth would a person choose a partner for life on that premise? Would you choose a business partner on the premise that you could make it work? No! You'd find the person who is the best type of match for you and your goals - someone you know will work hard by your side and has the attributes to create an equation of a successful relationship. Because we are talking building the life business of eternity here.
I thought back to a young man I dated for a few months at the beginning of the year. We got along like...like...Michael Phelps and Olympic Medals. But over the course of those few months, we came to realize a strong clash in our senses of humor, my passion for theater matched his dispassion for theater, and my desire to be in an exclusive relationship definitely did not match his desire to remain unexclusive until he knew he would marry the girl (I still don't know how you can know you can marry someone without first establishing the bonds of trust only found through an exclusive relationship, but now that is neither here nor there). I also found that we were imbalanced in our dedication to work vs. personal life/adventures. Yet, for those few months we enjoyed each other and saw potential in where the relationship could lead.
Could we have made a relationship work? Yes.
Could we both find people who would make relationship-building a much less complicated ordeal? Triple yes.
Recently, that man became engaged to be married. I am willing to bet my bottom dollar that the conflicts he and I had are non-issues with his future bride. While he and I technically could have "made it work," I know he will have a much more fluid experience in loving someone that matches him in the ways he deems important.
Likewise, I am pleased as punch to be spending time with someone whom I don't share personality-defining conflicts with. Cause, c'mon, all who know me know that my punaholicness is part of the charm of who I am. And who would I be if I didn't bust into song randomly anytime, anywhere? Or my readiness to jump at the chance for adventure?
Why would you try to make something work with a mismatched puzzle piece, when you can find a piece that fits you so much more? I just don't get it.*
*I recognize that once you are actually married, you work yourself to the bone to make things work, but that work seems like it would be a whole lot easier if you find a suitable match to begin with. That isn't to say you need someone perfect, just someone who fits.