On Sunday I see this Facebook status:
Guy: So many girls just don't get it. At all. They think they know what guys want, and they have no clue. At least guys can admit they are clueless...
Over 30 comments followed, the most pertinent of which are:
Girl: Maybe it would help for the girls to not be so clueless if the gentleman communicated what they wanted, and left the girls from guessing??
Guy: The same girls I'm talking about are the ones who make you the bad guy when you tell them what you want. Because they really want one of two things: 1. What they want and 2. What they think YOU should want. Simple example: guy has a long or busy day/night. It's late. Girl calls/texts because she knows that guy's events have ended. She asks if guy "wants her to come over." At that point if guy's real answer is "no," he is the bad guy because he "doesn't want to see her." So the answer is usually "it's your call." Girl will of course come over, but really guy just wants to unwind...
Girl: So you just gave an example of a guy being clueless. You don't want a girl to come over just say it....its all about being tactfully straight forward.
Girl: you make yourself a bad guy by not being honest. Sure dating is complicated and you don't always say the right thing. But a girl would rather feel a little disappointed to hear a no then to feel like an a$$ when you don't really want to hang out and she comes over
Guy: the girl in question feels the guy "should" want to see her, the guy is wrong if he just wants to call it a night
Girl: the right girl would understand
This whole discussion ruffled my feathers a bit. I fully agree - the right girl would understand if the sincere truth is communicated in a gentle manner. If this young man feels stifled in his ability to express himself and be understood with this young lady, then perhaps she just isn't the one for him.
Almost every man I have dated has at one point or another expressed a similar sentiment. Heck, I've even backed out of tentative plans due to exhaustion. Were there fights? No. Hurt feelings? No. Rescheduled plans? Yes!
But then I think about my last dating experience. After three months, I wanted to be exclusive with the young man, however, he was not in the same place. Did I think he should want what I wanted? Guilty as charged. But I also honestly think I did not make him out to be the bad guy. He wasn't the one who chose to walk away, I was. Maybe he felt like he was the bad guy. I'm not going to argue who was or wasn't, but I will say communication was had and appropriate decisions made accordingly. No hard feelings. One of the worst things you can ever do in a relationship is ask someone to make a decision that is not right for them or not on their timeline.
I don't understand why scenarios such as these have to be so complicated! People shouldn't take themselves so seriously and read destruction into every little detail that doesn't scream, "I love you!" Likewise, they shouldn't read love into every little detail that doesn't scream, "I can't stand you!"
Just. Chill. Out!