Thursday, March 8, 2012

Lack of Commitment

Yesterday's post had a few of you wondering what exactly I was getting at.  I didn't want to bias your feedback before I received some.  I hope this explains.

Dating someone regularly, continuing to date (including kissing and hand-holding), yet continuing to be non-exclusive makes a person a little confused eventually.  I recognized no two people are always on the same page.  I definitely support moving into exclusivity gradually and am very patient and supportive however... 

After a certain amount of time*, you want to be able to call the person you are dating when you have had a rough day and have ijustwannabehelditis.

After a certain amount of time, you want to be able to let your guard down and not worry that he will reject you simply because you aren't 100% all the time.

After a certain amount of time, you want to be able to grab his hand the moment you get out of the car to walk somewhere without wondering if it is okay.

After a certain amount of time, you want to give him a goodnight kiss each and every night without wondering if he cares about you enough to want to kiss you that day.

After a certain amount of time, you don't want to have to wonder if you are going to be going out that weekend.

After a certain amount of time, you want to be able to be part of his routine.
After a certain amount of time, you want to stop worrying if that person he is texting while you are together is another person he is dating.

After a certain amount of time, you want to know you will have special days together - birthdays, holidays, celebrations of important events...

After a certain amount of time, you know he has seen enough of the basic elements of you to have a pretty good idea whether or not he wants to be with you.

And after a certain amount of time, your little heart needs something more and you have to walk away from something uncertain that could have been beautiful in hopes of finding something certain even more beautiful.

*In this situation, three solid months of at least twice weekly outings, five months total 

*disclaimer* I would not feel okay with posting this if I didn't point out that this individual is, in fact, an amazing, wonderful young man - one of the very finest I have ever encountered.  Seriously.  I have nothing but the very highest of respect and care for him.  Our timing was a little off.  After a certain amount of time, we both needed different than what we had at that moment.  I know we will both find what we need with the person who is right when the time is right.


S.R. Braddy said...

Did you write this list yourself?

j said...

Very well said! Love it.

Larissa said...

@Stephen - yes I did write this list myself!

miss kristen said...

I'm sorry Riss, but I'm still not sold on this guy. Yes men are not apt to talk feelings (TRUST me on this one-I've got one of my own., but there comes a time to cowboy up, grow a pair, stop being an indecisive jerk, and make a decision already.
If after three months he was still unwilling/unable to tell you where you stand that is NOT ok. You have a pretty good idea after a month if you want to spend time with them, at three you should know more than 'I like you, but I don't know if I want to date you'.
You said yourself if he likes you he will make time for you and space for you in his life.
The fact he led you on let you stew about it, and then played 'hot' and 'cold' with you for so long without a difinitive answer just doesn't sit well with me and I can't promise he won't get the stink eye and an earful if I ever see him. I don't care how wonderful he is. Wonderful people don't do that to others.
You're just too wonderful to be treated that way. Period. Good riddance in my book.

S.R. Braddy said...

@Larissa: I actually kinda love this list. It's a good summation of your expectations - and I think they're expectations a lot of people will share. said...

I'm simply flabbergasted that after 3+ months of twice weekly dating:

- you weren't sure whether or not you could hold his hand getting out of the car
- you weren't sure he wanted to kiss you
- you weren't sure you could call him after a rough day.

Good for you for releasing this so-called unicorn back into the wild. Let some other person tame him.

Janell said...

Beautiful list.

Though it makes me sad that a man might desire woman's kisses on one day and not want them a few days later. It also makes me sad that a man might even text another dating prospect while on an actual date with another woman. (Hey, buddy, if you're attention isn't here, then why am I here?)

I do completely agree on every point. Commitments to this items on this list are a very important point in dating!