Lack of Commitment

Yesterday's post had a few of you wondering what exactly I was getting at.  I didn't want to bias your feedback before I received some.  I hope this explains.

Dating someone regularly, continuing to date (including kissing and hand-holding), yet continuing to be non-exclusive makes a person a little confused eventually.  I recognized no two people are always on the same page.  I definitely support moving into exclusivity gradually and am very patient and supportive however... 

After a certain amount of time*, you want to be able to call the person you are dating when you have had a rough day and have ijustwannabehelditis.

After a certain amount of time, you want to be able to let your guard down and not worry that he will reject you simply because you aren't 100% all the time.

After a certain amount of time, you want to be able to grab his hand the moment you get out of the car to walk somewhere without wondering if it is okay.

After a certain amount of time, you want to give him a goodnight kiss each and every night without wondering if he cares about you enough to want to kiss you that day.

After a certain amount of time, you don't want to have to wonder if you are going to be going out that weekend.

After a certain amount of time, you want to be able to be part of his routine.
 
After a certain amount of time, you want to stop worrying if that person he is texting while you are together is another person he is dating.

After a certain amount of time, you want to know you will have special days together - birthdays, holidays, celebrations of important events...

After a certain amount of time, you know he has seen enough of the basic elements of you to have a pretty good idea whether or not he wants to be with you.

And after a certain amount of time, your little heart needs something more and you have to walk away from something uncertain that could have been beautiful in hopes of finding something certain even more beautiful.

*In this situation, three solid months of at least twice weekly outings, five months total 

*disclaimer* I would not feel okay with posting this if I didn't point out that this individual is, in fact, an amazing, wonderful young man - one of the very finest I have ever encountered.  Seriously.  I have nothing but the very highest of respect and care for him.  Our timing was a little off.  After a certain amount of time, we both needed different than what we had at that moment.  I know we will both find what we need with the person who is right when the time is right.

NCMO

I do not approve of NCMO*.  The act disgusts me.

I don't understand what makes a person either:
a) think so little of themselves that they have to stoop to the level of believing the only way they will be able to have someone of the opposite sex is to give away physical affection without mental connection, or
b) think so little of another person that they use that individual to gratify physical desires - have they no more respect for the person than that?  How selfish.

Neither of these situations shows the respect and love for Heavenly Father's children as He would have us show.

The ironic part to me is that most LDS singles are having these NCMO's within the law of chastity**, which basically means they are getting themselves all worked up with nowhere to go.  Not only are they either abusing themselves or someone else, the end result is somewhat...frustrating to say the least.

So why are you doing it?!  I love you more than to use you or see you be used like that.  Why can't you love yourself enough?  Why can't you see you - the beautiful, respectable purity of you that I see when I look into your eyes?  Why can't you just be true to who you know you are?

I am so saddened by this and I will no longer pretend like it is okay.  You think you are going to find the kind of man or woman you want to spend eternity with through NCMO?  Your quest for companionship is the reason you are degrading yourself to that level, and, yet, I do not believe that what you are doing is realistically going to find you the kind of partner that you long for so deeply, sincerely that you have shed tears upon your pillow countless nights.  I wish I could hold you and share with you how much I love you and how much Heavenly Father loves you and how much the remarkable person you are has touched my life as well as many more than you could ever know.

Please stop.  Please know you are better than that.  Please know I love you.  Please know Heavenly Father loves you.  Please know there is a man or woman out there waiting to be held in your arms.  Someone who wants more of you than to know you selfishly gave away the affection they have been longing for and waiting to have from you.  Please know there is someone waiting to be held in the arms of the individual with whom you are using for your own physical gratification.  Please be as selfless in this quest as I have seen you be in so many others.  Please be true to who you know you are.

This is killing me inside.  I have witnessed potential-filled relationships destroyed by this type of behavior.  I will not tolerate it any longer or pretend as if it is okay.  It isn't.  You deserve so much more.

* Non-Commital Make Out
** Chastity is sexual purity.  Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions.  Chastity means not having any sexual relations before marriage.  It also means complete fidelity to husband or wife during marriage.