You Seem a Little MIA, Larissa...

Some of you have inquiring minds and have asked me why my once-daily posts, even twice-daily, have started dissipating into maybe twice-weekly posts. 

And most of you who have asked hit the nail on the head when you surmised that something good must be going on in the romantical arena of my life.

I've been having too much fun, running off to Vegas to get married and then annulled.  Because that's the only way you can do the fun stuff.

I kid. 

But I really have been having a blast, going to the Brave premier, attending the Shakespeare Festival for the first time, seeing musicals, watching endless improv comedy performances, laughing my face off, cozying up at the drive in, hosting parties, shopping on the Vegas strip, driving on long road trips, crashing one of his gigs, attending baseball games, perusing a museum, cheering on a parade, meeting more family members in one day than I think even exist in my own family, talking into the wee hours of the morning night after night, and, well, the list goes on.

I have learned to treasure the times I have with someone who values my opinions, my ambitions, and who I am as a person as much as I value those things about him.  I adore sharing and being shared with.  My life is fabulous, truly, whether independently so or accompanied.  But doesn't it put an extra spring in your step when you wake up and know that someone else remarkable wants to share some of their life with you?

That about sums up the past little while of my life.  And I'm going to continue to embrace every moment. 

Online Dating Misrepresentations

I have had several of my friends lament to me about their online dating adventures.  I encourage all of them to find love however they need, yet have learned through several terrible experiences with men who online date that online dating will not be for me.  But that's a story for another time...and you will totally understand why I encourage everyone to do it, yet personally have some heart-breaking trust issues.

My real question today is this: Do you feel people misrepresent themselves, mainly physically?

Popular Daddy Blogger, Single Dad Laughing, had an experience where a lady misrepresented her weight drastically.  He wasn't turned off by her weight so much as the fact that he felt lied to and betrayed.  But there was no convincing her or most of his readers that the weight was not the reason for the rejection.

In almost all of the lamentations I have heard, there is some tale of how the young woman or man was significantly larger in person than in photos.  Why do people do this?  I would never want to be that girl that shows up and my date is immediately disappointed.  There are plenty of men out there who like their women with more to love and plenty of women who like teddy bear men.  Why must we lie?  There is a difference between putting your best foot forward and putting your non-existent foot forward.   And why go into a date knowing you will begin it with disappointment?  I just don't get it.

What do you all think?  Have you had any experiences like this?  Why do you think people do this?  

Overweight Date

I have felt judgmental for quite some time regarding my lack of attraction to overweight and/or non-physically active men.  Judge me, that's fine.  I am not attracted to men carrying additional poundage who are not doing anything to remedy the situation.  But why?  This has really bothered me and made me feel superficial and unwilling to "give someone a chance" as we are so often counseled.

I'm a big advocate of needing to be attracted to your significant other.  Eventually, you will want to participate in some activities that, let's face it, require feelings more than, "He's such a great guy..."  Yeah, you know.  And do you want to be with someone who you know has had to learn to be attracted to you?  No!  You want someone who thinks you are a hottie Mchothot with a shake and fries! 

My eyes have recently been opened to the answer to this woe and I feel a little less of, "Larissa, you are a horrible person."  My mother, my uncle, and all of his children have struggled with obesity.  Even my dad was overweight for a few years even though he is now one of the fittest, healthiest people you will ever encounter.  My mother and uncle have both had no choice but to have a gastric bypass because their health issues were so severe and in such immediate need of remedy.  I remember sitting on my bed in Ohio, sobbing as my father held me, telling him I didn't want my children to not know their grandmother just because she liked food.  I have had my entire life to watch almost my entire family struggle with the unhealthy yo-yo diets and the effects of overweightness/obesity - I do not want that for my future. 

Not only have I had to watch them, I have had to experience this struggle first-hand.  I had a doctor tell me, straight up, "I am afraid for your body because of everything you do at your weight.  Your body cannot handle this, you are going to hurt yourself."  Tell me that wouldn't scare you straight.

If I see an overweight man, I take that to be indicative of his eating and activity habits - the same habits that have lead my family to so much heartache (figuratively and literally).  I also see that being healthy is most likely going to be an uphill battle.  I have battled so hard and for so long that I cannot willingly put myself with a catalyst for more struggle and the possibility of falling into old habits and destroying everything I've overcome.

I do not want that for myself.  I do not want that for my future family.  The man I end up with deserves more than to know I resent him because of his passion for food and lack thereof for physical activity.  He deserves more than to know he is causing me mental and physical pain. 

I honestly feel the costs outweigh the potential benefits.  I feel the need to share because so many people have wondered how I could write people off even though I have myself been overweight in the past.  So many people wonder how this kind of life change effects you outside of your diet/exercise regime.  If I can see a clear, concerted effort and lasting results, I can convince myself to reconsider, but, friends, this is a mental block I cannot hurdle.  I hope you understand.

Because I'm Too Fat

You know what I'm sick of?

I'm sick of the fact that, after all this time, the first thing I think when something doesn't go right or someone looks at me funny is, "It must be because I'm too fat."

I was talking with someone at an audition and she mentioned how she thought I'd have been good in a certain part, then she said, "But that character has to be skinny."  She then tripped over her words and tried to correct herself, but it was too late.  The kicker?  Said individual is at least 40 pounds heavier than me. 

At the gym, twice in one week I had personal trainers approach me to see if I wanted a free session.  Um?  Do I look like I need a trainer?  Is that what it is?  Both of them looked shocked when they found out I had been going to the gym almost every day for over 6 years.

People all the time are not surprised to find out I was a gymnast because of my "gymnast legs."  Exactly what is this supposed to mean?  And why is it okay to say this?

A dear friend who I know meant nothing by this was listening to me whine about how I once dated a guy who told me to stop working out my legs because they were getting too big and then she said, "Well, your thighs are getting big..."  The poor dear realized what she'd said and tried to recover by saying they weren't "big" but compared to the rest of me, proportionately, they are larger.  Well, this is true...and I would rather have larger legs and a tiny waist, so it isn't all bad.  No harm in speaking the bold truth - I'd rather have honesty:-)

I often walk by a mirror and think about how large I am.  Then I look at someone else and think how tiny she is.  Then I see myself next to the person and am shocked to see I'm not much bigger than her.

How sad is it that my self-perception can still be so off?  I know this is ludicrous.  I've been fit for years now.  According to all the official charts I can find, I am not overweight at all.  I once blogged, "Once you've been fat, there is a part of you that always feels like that insecure fat girl inside."

I suppose, like with any addict, this is a struggle I will face my whole life.  I have to make sure I keep winning this battle. There was a time I would have screamed from the tops of the mountains to be where I am now.  I need to work on maintaining that gratitude and joy for the beautiful body I have worked so hard for...that has worked so hard for me.

I'm just sick of my emotion always defaulting to, "It must be because I'm too fat."

NCMO

I do not approve of NCMO*.  The act disgusts me.

I don't understand what makes a person either:
a) think so little of themselves that they have to stoop to the level of believing the only way they will be able to have someone of the opposite sex is to give away physical affection without mental connection, or
b) think so little of another person that they use that individual to gratify physical desires - have they no more respect for the person than that?  How selfish.

Neither of these situations shows the respect and love for Heavenly Father's children as He would have us show.

The ironic part to me is that most LDS singles are having these NCMO's within the law of chastity**, which basically means they are getting themselves all worked up with nowhere to go.  Not only are they either abusing themselves or someone else, the end result is somewhat...frustrating to say the least.

So why are you doing it?!  I love you more than to use you or see you be used like that.  Why can't you love yourself enough?  Why can't you see you - the beautiful, respectable purity of you that I see when I look into your eyes?  Why can't you just be true to who you know you are?

I am so saddened by this and I will no longer pretend like it is okay.  You think you are going to find the kind of man or woman you want to spend eternity with through NCMO?  Your quest for companionship is the reason you are degrading yourself to that level, and, yet, I do not believe that what you are doing is realistically going to find you the kind of partner that you long for so deeply, sincerely that you have shed tears upon your pillow countless nights.  I wish I could hold you and share with you how much I love you and how much Heavenly Father loves you and how much the remarkable person you are has touched my life as well as many more than you could ever know.

Please stop.  Please know you are better than that.  Please know I love you.  Please know Heavenly Father loves you.  Please know there is a man or woman out there waiting to be held in your arms.  Someone who wants more of you than to know you selfishly gave away the affection they have been longing for and waiting to have from you.  Please know there is someone waiting to be held in the arms of the individual with whom you are using for your own physical gratification.  Please be as selfless in this quest as I have seen you be in so many others.  Please be true to who you know you are.

This is killing me inside.  I have witnessed potential-filled relationships destroyed by this type of behavior.  I will not tolerate it any longer or pretend as if it is okay.  It isn't.  You deserve so much more.

* Non-Commital Make Out
** Chastity is sexual purity.  Those who are chaste are morally clean in their thoughts, words, and actions.  Chastity means not having any sexual relations before marriage.  It also means complete fidelity to husband or wife during marriage.