Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I'm a big advocate of needing to be attracted to your significant other. Eventually, you will want to participate in some activities that, let's face it, require feelings more than, "He's such a great guy..." Yeah, you know. And do you want to be with someone who you know has had to learn to be attracted to you? No! You want someone who thinks you are a hottie Mchothot with a shake and fries!
My eyes have recently been opened to the answer to this woe and I feel a little less of, "Larissa, you are a horrible person." My mother, my uncle, and all of his children have struggled with obesity. Even my dad was overweight for a few years even though he is now one of the fittest, healthiest people you will ever encounter. My mother and uncle have both had no choice but to have a gastric bypass because their health issues were so severe and in such immediate need of remedy. I remember sitting on my bed in Ohio, sobbing as my father held me, telling him I didn't want my children to not know their grandmother just because she liked food. I have had my entire life to watch almost my entire family struggle with the unhealthy yo-yo diets and the effects of overweightness/obesity - I do not want that for my future.
Not only have I had to watch them, I have had to experience this struggle first-hand. I had a doctor tell me, straight up, "I am afraid for your body because of everything you do at your weight. Your body cannot handle this, you are going to hurt yourself." Tell me that wouldn't scare you straight.
If I see an overweight man, I take that to be indicative of his eating and activity habits - the same habits that have lead my family to so much heartache (figuratively and literally). I also see that being healthy is most likely going to be an uphill battle. I have battled so hard and for so long that I cannot willingly put myself with a catalyst for more struggle and the possibility of falling into old habits and destroying everything I've overcome.
I do not want that for myself. I do not want that for my future family. The man I end up with deserves more than to know I resent him because of his passion for food and lack thereof for physical activity. He deserves more than to know he is causing me mental and physical pain.
I honestly feel the costs outweigh the potential benefits. I feel the need to share because so many people have wondered how I could write people off even though I have myself been overweight in the past. So many people wonder how this kind of life change effects you outside of your diet/exercise regime. If I can see a clear, concerted effort and lasting results, I can convince myself to reconsider, but, friends, this is a mental block I cannot hurdle. I hope you understand.