Friday, October 15, 2010


Does anyone else feel like the idea of romance is often something that is a bit contrived?

A friend's recent engagement started me pondering. I look at photos of many different engagement events, or listen to stories, and think, "Wow...that's kind of awkward."

A trail of rose petals lined with candles leading up to a box on a pedestal? Music playing in the background? Sure it all sounds fine and dandy, but it doesn't make romance. Under anything except the most perfect of circumstances (there is a time and a place), this contrived display makes me uneasy and uncomfortable...very uneasy.

If a man brings me a flower or takes me to a place designated "for lovers," that doesn't make romance.

What is romance to me?

Romance is someone I care about looking at me with that twinkle in their eye - you can't make that up, you can't fake it, you can't hide it.
Romance is that person wanting to spend every spare moment with me, even if all we are doing is reading our own books or sitting on a bench watching nature or running errands.
Romance is when I am sick and he sits with me all day even though he knows he can't cure me, but the thought to be anywhere else would never occur to him.
Romance is giving me a big embrace (I prefer the pick-me-up-and-spin-me-around types) even though I've just come from the gym.
Romance is not being able to hold back a smile every time he sees me.
Romance is remembering something random we have talked about or that an important day is upcoming.
Romance is checking in just to see if everything is okay.
Romance is not being able to keep his hands off of me.
Romance is staying up til the wee hours of the morning caught up in conversation.
Romance is honesty and forthrightness in communication - no games.
Romance is supporting each other in the things you are passionate about.

What is romance to you?


S.R. Braddy said...

ro·mance roʊˈmæns, ˈroʊmæns – noun. A novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc., usually in a historical or imaginary setting.

Larissa said...

Hardy Har Har. Don't you just think you are so clever, Stevie-poo. There is a point though - "Imaginary setting" - many people try to create romance through creating this imaginary setting that is so...not life.

Janell said...

Yes, what some consider romantic ovatures can be very contrived, awkward, and even impersonal.

Though here (somewhat pointed out by SR Braddy above), I think you are really pointing out that many people consider "romance" to be equivilant with "love," and you don't find pandering to quixotic ideals to be romantic or a representation of love.

I see in your list that for you love is expressed by companionship. That's a wonderful thing. I see several items in your list that I consider invaluable in a relationship: support, passion, communication, and togetherness.

I also consider love to be express by the thought and effort in an action. Simple things like sorting the laundry and letting me chatter his ear off about my day. Grander things like making me his special recipes or going to the store to buy me a bar of chocolate because I'm having a bad day.

Heidi said...

What's funny about romance is that anything can be deemed as romantic, from the flowers and candles to your husband changing the kid's diaper. I find that the superficial parts are what people see and get confused about. It's not the deed or gesture that's truly romantic, but the feelings supporting it. If a guy wants to bring me flowers from a candle lit garden, that's fantastic. But if the feelings he's trying to express aren't genuine, then, you can just set that garden a blaze. Romance to me, is true affectionate emotion being expressed.

miss kristen said...

Romance is seeing someone at their absolute worst and still being able to remember why you love them.

Romance is coming home to a clean kitchen that wasn't clean when you left that morning.

Romance is receiving something you mentioned in passing like a MILLION years ago "just because I can."

Romance is making it through the hard times stronger and more committed to each other than you were before.

Romance is watching two people "pretend" not to be interested in each other-when everyone around them knows this isn't the case. ;)