Thursday, October 28, 2010

Unexpected Email

My blog is public. I love reading people's thoughts, sharing mine, and then collecting others' thoughts on mine. I try to keep people anonymous unless I know they like the shout-out.

Recently, I blogged about a young man from days gone by - Repeat Offender and Spite. I am pretty sure he doesn't read my blog, but not entirely sure. Perhaps blogging about him put the vibe out into the universe. Who knows.

This morning I received an entirely unexpected email from him, after not having talked in over a year. He apologized for his actions when we dated all that time ago.

My eyes about popped out of my head. Aside from recounting the humorous parts of the break-up(s), I haven't given this a thought in quite some time.

I felt culpable when I read his message. He's been carrying around this regret and guilt for awhile. Imposing that guilt at the time of separation felt so delectable, but knowing it lasted feels quite the opposite. If a person is ending a relationship, they clearly believe that is the best decision to be made and who am I to decide what is best for that person? Sure, it may hurt, but I should never try to guilt the person into hurting as much as I do. Never.

Reflecting back, my experiences because of him changed my life:
1. I auditioned for my first show in eight years in order to occupy my thoughts and time. Shows have clearly become a major portion of my life and have brought me more happiness and fulfillment and friendships than I ever expected.
2. My darling Megan, her husband Kevin, and friend Julie, decided we needed to go on a trip to Hawaii to mend my broken heart from round two. I have dreamed of Hawaii my entire life and that trip was the capstone to completing my goal of visiting all 50 states before I turned 30.
3. I felt entirely foolish/embarrassed about the way I acted at the conclusion of our time together, thus making needed changes to the way I reacted in relationships - improving all of my relationships and friendships since then.

None of those life-altering things would have happened without him. He changed my life, ironically, because he was not in it.

Thanks, man from days gone by. I hold no bitter feelings, still find you an awesome blossom, and your email touched my heart. You continue to change me.

I ask you, readers, have you had someone who has touched your heart for only a moment, but altered the course of your life forever?


S.R. Braddy said...

Umm, yeah. Summer.

Janell said...

My significant, former, dating-interests shape a lot of the way I see the world now. Then, I was asking myself why these guys were or weren't 'right' for me. I learned a lot about myself. By experience with the male chauvinist, I realized that I'm a feminist - little f. By experience with the small-town guy, I realized that I crave the excitement often associated with cities. By experience with the underachiever, I realized how important ambition is to me. Looking back on those experiences, I'm grateful I allowed myself to be who I am. It would have been easy to squelch myself and ignore my differences with them in the name of marriage. When I look at where they ended up five, ten years later, I'm even more grateful for all the attributes I cherish in my now-husband.