Every day, I share communications with my ladies and men regarding those there may or may not be romantic inclinations towards. I know, I know, shock, shock, surprise, surprise.
Some of them are having success, some are not - I myself am in one of those two categories, which one I have yet to determine.
We have all found ourselves fretting over minutia. My mind wandered back to a couple of blogs I wrote that were eye-opening experiences for me and helped me stop the fretting. I appreciated the reminder so, if any of you out there need this too, here you go.
He's Just Not That Into You
I'm sure you have all seen the movie, but how about the book?
"He's Just Not That Into You," in my opinion, is a hard-knock of reality pie lambasted in the face of woman-kind in general. You know what else? That pie never tasted so good.
Countless hours have been spent lamenting over the woes of male/female communication with my darlings of the fairer sex. This lunacy will stop.
To sum it all up, when you ask yourself these questions, you now know the answer:
-He's giving all the signals, but not doing anything - what's the deal?
-Why isn't he calling?
-Why isn't he asking me out?
-Why isn't he committing?
-Why isn't he making a move?
He's just not that into you!
The reality is harsh, but if a man likes you enough, he will find a way to ask you out, no excuses. He is not too busy (seriously how long does it take to pick up the phone or send a text), too shy, too damaged, too out of town, or too anything else except too not into you! No matter how shy/busy/scared he is, he will find a way to overcome all obstacles if he is that into you.
Besides, do you really want a man who can't manage his time well enough to find 5 minutes to call you? Someone who doesn't call when they say they will (which by the way means they are definitely not thinking about you)? Someone who is so shy he can't even get over it enough to ask your awesome self out? Someone who has so many issues he can't look past himself? C'mon, seriously - you want that?!? Correct me if I'm wrong, but, don't you deserve more?
Yes, there are exceptions to these rules, but for the most part, you need to consider yourself the rule in these types of situations.
So why wouldn't he just tell you he isn't that into you?
Wouldn't you rather pull your teeth out one at a time sans medication than tell someone you know is fantastic that they aren't your kind of fantastic?
Why is He Just Not That Into You
I can humbly accept the fact when I am just not a particular young man's desired commodity. The elephant in the room traipsing, nay promenading about is, "Why?"
Analyzing this too much leads to self-deprecation, many a tub of Ben & Jerry's, and a consequential sugar hang-over...so don't do it!
My heart-your-face friend Anna has a philosophy that all the men who don't want us are indubitably gay. As true as that may be, I have a different school of thought: Ice cream.
Picture the dating pool as Baskin Robbins - 31 flavors of frozen delightfulness. Each of those flavors is someone's favorite, each of them is highly desirable to someone, somewhere. If my favorite flavor is chocolate raspberry, there is nothing you can do to convince me to want another flavor. If you ask, "What is wrong with the other flavors?" my answer will be, "Nothing! I just want this one."
Just because someone doesn't want your Very Berry Strawberry doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it. Soon enough, dreamalicious hunkomania is going to walk into your store and you are his favorite flavor. Rest assured, he is going to want to get him a piece of that! As Ross would say, "Grab a spoon."
By those standards I've only been interested in one girl and she rejected me so fast I couldn't blink! Maybe I should be gay!
Dude, if you like a girl, you ask her out...it doesn't matter how much you like her if you never do anything about it:-(
Some of us aren't good looking enough or smart, funny, talented enough for a girl to like us right away. I don't ask a girl out right away she can't reject me before getting to know me. Duh.
Exciting day! THREE "Anonymous's!"
Unfortunately, I don't think any of you are my Anonymous of days gone by.
I stand by my belief that if a man is interested in a woman, he will do something about it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but he will.
If a woman is interested in a man, you typically have to look no further than her complete inability to stop smiling when he is around. Ok, so some women I don't get, but this woman reciprocates efforts - that is how I show it. I do truly love people, so I'm sure I've confused a few hunks in my day, but yeah...if he asks me on a date, and I am the least bit interested, I'll ask him out in return usually after the first date, but if his intentions are confusing, I will wait until after the second.
Ok, so I have so many exceptions to my own rule now that I think about it. Sometimes I'm not sure how I feel, so I don't do a return offer on the date, but I do continue to accept his offers.
Just ignore me.
I'm going to side with two of the Anonymous commenters and disagree with your philosophy. Doesn't seem right to me.
I loved this book because sometimes it is so hard to tell between the "friendly" and "flirty" guys, and those who are truly interested (sometimes they are the same and sometimes not). Love that this book puts it into perspective. He flirts with me but doesn't ask me out? Probably not interested. At least, I don't have to worry about it unless he does...
...I've had really bad luck asking men out. They didn't want to say no because they knew how much rejection hurts, but they didn't pretend to have fun or make any effort on the date, either.
Here's how I look at it:
I've LIKED a lot of people.
I am a coward. I don't ask people out on dates very often.
I try to let girls know I like them in different ways other than asking them out on dates.
If someone actually asks them out BEFORE I do, then I'm S.O.L.
So, yeah, a guy may like a girl, and she may like him back, but, in my experience, very little gets done if one party doesn't ask out the other. There are signs, little hints, that maybe there's some interest, but, if they're not willing to act on that interest, then why get hung up on it?
Jon - Picture this from the WOMAN'S point of view - kind of like what Miss Megan and Anonymous #2 stated.
Even if a man is totally in love with you, what does it matter if he isn't asking you out or seeking your companionship? Sure, he may flirt or talk or whatever, but what does it matter if they never ask you out? So, for the ladies, she can sit and pine and pine and pine and waste her affections, or dedicate her affections towards a man who IS actually acting on his feelings.
I find it VERY hard to believe that a man expects to end up married to a woman he doesn't have the balls to ask out or at least ask to do something sometime.
And, to every rule there is an exception. Perhaps you are just an exception. I do find it hard to believe you actually think you will end up with a woman if you never take action on your interest. I know you and know you ALWAYS take action eventually.
Stephen - hats off to you, I agree!
Miss Megan - I have never asked a man out on a first date simply because of that awkwardness you mentioned.
love the book. read it once a year. of course there are exceptions to every rule and situation but it helps you if you keep going back and back into something that REALISTICALLY isn't going anywhere. It is good to hear and also to remember not to feed false hopes into others JUST to be nice. it never helps anyone.
Larissa, I like what you said. Men without balls would have a hard time making a woman happy. So even if he IS interested but doesn't man up, perhaps you should declare him to be not worth your time and tears.
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