Once upon a time, I called my father to hear the words, "Larissa, you are overreacting and demanding and expecting too much. These young men are just that, young, and they do not have almost 40 years of marriage under their belts, don't expect them to act as such."
Dad actually only told me that once, as he is a huge advocate of me learning my own lessons, but I was fishing to hear it again.
I rarely, rarely, rarely talk about my dating life with my family. My mother starts worrying the second I tell her I'm dating someone, although that may be warranted because I had a stretch of about 4 boyfriends with whom my relationship ended within a week of me telling my mother I had one. Regardless, I stopped discussing the details with them a long time ago because it isn't worth the heartache. They don't ask because, well, they watched me go through a lot and know I will come to them if I need them.
Back to the point. I called my dad fishing for advice. I told him about several suitors and how the one I was most interested in was allllllways late. To everything. How, when I expressed my disgruntlement to the young man, he would say, "Well, I'm just always late. If I say 7:15, you should know I mean between 7:30 and 7:45." I asked why he couldn't just say 7:30 then and he said, "Well, then I wouldn't be there til 7:45 or 8. That's just the way I am."
Daddy-o listened patiently for a good ten minutes for me to take a breath. And I then heard something I never expected.
"Well that is just totally unacceptable."
"Riss, think about it. The guy is saying, 'That's just how I am' and not even trying to change this thing that will impact every time-based decision you ever make for your entire lives. This is not a good trait. This is something he actually should try to change. Especially because he knows how much it bothers you and that you do have anxiety about lateness. What this shows to me is, 'I don't care about your feelings nor do I respect you enough to be considerate of your time.' This is pure selfishness. Think about it. Every time you have to decide when to wake up, when to eat, when to go visit a friend, when to go to work, when to go to a show, when to go to the gym, when to cook, when to clean, when to be at the airport, when to go to bed...anything...every time you do these things for the rest of your life, this man will be late. In my mind, that is a deal breaker and totally unacceptable."
Wow. And here I was thinking how irrational I had been. It's nice when we think we are wrong and our mentors let us know otherwise.
Moral of the story?
Don't be late!*
* In the case that the aforementioned young man reads this post, he knows I adore him and value him and think he's about as sweet as sugar. Simply due to my lateness neurotic ism and a combination of some other things, a relationship between us would not have worked at that time, but he is a gem and highly recommended, ladies, if you want the hook ups:-)