Bear with me. This one is kinda long, but it's some good stuff!
Isn't a show a bit like a relationship?
Closing night of "All Shook Up" may have been my best closing night experience thus far. One of my favorites stepped up his performance so much that he made me, for the first time, fight for my performance - fight to be one step up and noticed. And also brought me to tears in my own performance...something I have never been able to do. I love that feeling!
I digress. A show is like a relationship. You work hard to be your best and attend several auditions, let's call those "dates," until you are finally chosen for the part, let's call that the "relationship."
For months, you spend all of your free time together to develop a love and bond with the character, the stage, your cast mates, your production team...and then one day it is over. One day, in the snap of a finger *poof,* it is all gone, we'll call that the "break up."
I am forever grateful for the opportunities to have been part of something so magical and take those memories to cherish in my heart always instead of being bitter that the show "relationship" is over. Each experience has helped me to grow exponentially.
I apply the same philosophy of being grateful and growing for what I receive with dating interludes.
Several young men have been expressing interest as of late, pretty normal. But, in a twist of events, remember this blog? One of them in particular I enjoyed more than the others and had been looking forward to spending more time with him. What was this? I actually felt something for him? Yes, in that excited, giddy way in which I had thought for quite some time I'd been broken. I hadn't been receptive to his attention. Until he, for weeks, kept running to catch up to my train. I was won over by his efforts and gave him a ticket. I honestly thought he was all aboard the Larissa train and wanting an unlimited pass.
Alas, a little while ago he began to mention (and subsequently mentioned at least five times) to me being excited for a date...with another girl. I try to never bring up other men I am dating (and I guess I am breaking this rule by writing about it where any of them could see) when I am out with one of them, but there are two reasons I would let it slip: 1. I want him to tell me that he wants to be the one spending time with me, or 2. I am gently breaking the news that I'm just not that into him. I didn't know which direction to gear my reaction, so I reacted not at all. Unfortunately, as the days have progressed, the signs are crystal clear that I'm not the one the man I want to get to know most wants to get to know most. Also, unfortunately, I have no idea what flipped the switch from working harder than any man has worked to catch my attentions to running just as hard the other direction.
The good news? My heart hurts. How is this good news? I can feel!!! Hallelujah! I am not broken! This quote from the Alchemist may sum it up: "Why do we have to listen to our hearts?" the boy asked, when they had made camp that day. "Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure." "But my heart is agitated," the boy said. "It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it's become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I'm thinking about her." "Well, that's good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say." "You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow."
My heart is telling me it is alive and ready! Like I said in this post - I like to live in a manner in which I have no regrets. I'm glad I put myself out there and gave myself and the young man a shot, regardless of the outcome.
Cheers to some fabulous relationship-building both on stage and off. I can't wait for my next adventure!