Sunday, January 13, 2008

How to Lose This Gal 10 Ways

These items may seem pretty superficial and may not apply to every girl out there. Some of you may tell me I'm too picky, while others will laugh and say, "Heck yeah!" None of these things are incredibly psycho, but they are things that you might ought not to do if you ever wanna git wit me.

1. Wear your cell phone attached to your belt. I think the confines of a pocket are safer than dangling on the edge of dropage disastrous belt loopus. Plus, you'll look wayyyy cooler keeping your pink razor to yourself.
2. Wear highwater pants. There is nothing attractive about men's ankles. When have you ever heard a woman talk about a man's sexy ankles? Exactly...
3. Constantly tell me how amazing you are. If I can't figure it out on my own, you probably aren't that amazing:-)
4. Play video games all the time. Just kill me instead.
5. Watch sports all the time but never actually play them or do anything athletic. I love to play- hard and a LOT. Put your money where your mouth is. Speaking of mouth...
6. Lick your lips loud and proud before going in for the kill (aka kiss). You will get a laugh and a head turn, NOT a kiss.
7. Tell me my long hair gets in the way. Of what, exactly? I love my long, luxurious locks and plan on keeping them for a long, luxurious time!
8. Don't wear enough smell-good stuff to block your BO or "man" smell. I have the overactive olfactory senses of a pregnant lady and I can smell you.
9. Carry a man-purse that resembles a fanny pack attached to your belt instead of wrapped around your fanny. These are funny and will make us laugh, but at you, not with you.
10. Hate on our animals. Of course, I see why you hate - those animals get to snuggle with us every night... you don't;-)


Audra said...

Riss - These are so stinking hilarious! Why don't you get a job as a free lance writer?!

Michelley said...

That was funny. All too true! If only I could convince Mark to keep wearing that cologne he wore when we dated. Mmm!