What is Wrong With Men in Singles Wards?

Yesterday after opening session of LDS General Conference, I found myself alone in a room with three eligible bachelors.  Earlier during breakfast (one young man was in the kitchen with his computer), this great blogarooski came up along with the post, "Singles Ward Hopper: What is Wrong With Women in Singles Wards."

Before I knew what hit me, I hear, "So you wrote about what is wrong with women, what about men?  What's wrong with men in singles wards?"

"Ooooh no, I'm not getting myself in that kinda trouble.  No way."

They prod some more.

"No way, NO way.  That singleswardhopper guy is anonymous for a reason.  No."

They prod some more.

I give in.

"Well, you are going to hate me for saying this, but it really is a case-by-case basis."

"We know that!  But generally speaking.  Generally."

I thought and I thought and my mind kept saying, "Nothing is wrong with them.  Not every person is a match for every other person.  That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them, they just aren't my match."

I finally concluded, "In my experience I encounter a lot of guys who are slackers."

Naturally, this brought about some defensive behavior.  Gear down big shifters.  I honest-to-goodness don't see one trait that is overwhelmingly negative, that was just the best answer I could come up with when my honest answer didn't fly with them.  Truth be told, a lot of women are slackers too.  My definition of "slacker?"  Behavior that is detrimental to relationships - human, divine, etc.

If you are living with your parents with a good reason like saving for a house or school? Totally acceptable... as long as mom isn't still making your bed for you and serving as your alarm clock.

If you are still in school?  Great!  As long as you are working towards a goal.

If you are playing video games eight hours a day?  Not okay.  I can't bring myself to view heavy gaming as anything but slacking and a relationship-time thief, even if you do have a good job.  You see, I want my future companion to pay more attention to me than his video games.  Call me crazy.  And that reason is why I chose "a lot of them are slackers."  There is a certain demographic of men, let's call it the 18-25 year old single male, that has a propensity to give in to the temptations of all gadgets electronic and sucking.

If you are stuck in an endless cycle of "What am I doing with my life?" Dissatisfied with where/who you are?  Making no motions to change that?  Have a "the world is out to get me" attitude?  I consider these slacking as well.  I have had the pleasure of dating some spectacular men.  Truly.  I'd say at least half of them were in some phase where they didn't know what they wanted out of life in general, which left them in no position to make decisions about romantic relationships.  They all eventually conclude, "I don't know if I want you in my life," and the dating subsides.  Of course, I think the real reason is always he's just not that into me, but that's another post.  

Back to my original answer.  What is wrong with the men in singles wards?

Nothing. 

Many YSA males have challenges to overcome, even if as simple as working up the nerve to ask out a young lady or as complicated as battling addiction.  Challenges make us stronger and we either break them or they break us.  That's what separates the men from the boys.  And you know what?  Overcoming challenges is hot.  So keep at it.

Addendum: Interestingly enough, one day after publishing this, I came across a CNN Article: Why Men are in Trouble.

Singles Ward Hopper: What is Wrong with Women in Singles Wards?

I happened upon this intriguing site yesterday while doing a search to see if the new boundaries for the singles ward restructurings were published.
(by the way, if you need to know what singles ward you are in, go here)

I have no idea how current the site is.  What I do know is that it is hilarious.  And harsh.  

The author, an anonymous thirty-two year old single male lawyer living in Salt Lake City, has been to every ward in the Valley and offers some answers to interesting questions:

How do you know you are at a singles ward?
What do you think of singles wards?
What do you think of singles ward Bishopric's?
Are you inactive? Do you have a testimony?

And, my favorite question, "What is wrong with the girls in singles wards?"

His answer is a slap across the face and I'd like to see what you all think (I've pulled only excerpts, go to his site for a full read-through):

"Two thirds of the young women are overweight.  These girls all think that because they have good personalities, or good jobs, or are well-educated that guys should care more about who they are than how they look.... young men will never want to be intimate with them if they're ... heavy...While beauty isn't the only important thing in a girl, it is the gateway to the other qualities which no man cares about exploring without the attraction...  Like men, women have an obligation to be happy, to procreate, to start a family, to experience humanity and love...Nobody would have wanted to kiss Sleeping Beauty if she were a fatty with a Ph.d.  ...you can't start a fire without a spark."

"The other third of the girls who aren't overweight have a different problem, which I'll illustrate by describing what happens when I go to dinner with them.  We sit down at a nice dinner, and they begin to talk about somebody who's suffering some medical or emotional problem.  They then begin to extol the virtues of holistic/herbal medicine and animal rights, which apparently this person who's suffering doesn't understand.  I nod in increasing frustration as they begin to praise vegetarianism...seems like many LDS women who aren't married seek to identify with bizarre belief systems, as if these beliefs have become their spouses, to the point they become blind to real life.  I am amazed how many women spend all dinner telling me about pharmaceutical companies conspiring to cover up a cure for cancer that holistic doctors have discovered, or who refuse to eat because they are doing "cleanses" with exotic fruit juices, as if somehow these fruit cleansers form covalent bonds with all the toxins in their bodies and clean them out...All of these beliefs have somehow replaced these women's testimonies and retarded their ability to appreciate and interact with traditional, non-artsy, down-to-earth males..."

"Then, there is another pervasive problem that I observe across LDS women before going on dates . . . pride....The girls start behaving in YSA wards like they did in high school, forming clicks, and deciding which groups of people they'll socialize with and which they won't...in which many of the best men in the YSA wards are overlooked because they refuse to participate in the superficiality, or lack the time or inclination to do so."

"The men, of course, have problems too, but not as many in my opinion.  They're overweight also, and some are generally losers...I don't think weight matters as much for men, though, even though I recognize the double-standard...  The biggest problem I've noticed with men as they get older in singles wards is they begin blaming their unhappiness in life on their parents rather than trying to change whatever is causing it themselves."

Interesting, no?  What do you think?  Feel free to comment anonymously;-)