The Pornography Problem

Pornography addiction destroys families.

Pornography addiction destroys lives.

Pornography addiction destroys.  Period.

My question is this: Do you think that some folks in the LDS faith, or any religion for that matter, are too quick to state that any consumption of pornography is an addiction? 

For most religious people, there is a shroud of mystery surrounding this thing that is constantly referred to as one of the biggest problems in our society today.  Of course curiosity is going to catch hold of folks - male and female.   I believe that almost all adolescents have been exposed to pornography in some form, whether on accident or intentionally seeking it out.  I have heard many women state that any man who has ever looked at pornography in any way is automatically disqualified as a future spouse candidate.  Call me a fool, and good for these gals for holding out, but I truly believe the percentage of men who have never been exposed to this would optimistically be somewhere between 1% - 5% - and that is within religious congregations.  (this is my own random, non-fact based statistic - don't judge)  We are viewing the world through rose-colored glasses if we truly believe the majority of people have not been exposed. 

I know men who are not particularly religious who will consume this type of "entertainment" a few times a year and have perfectly normal, healthy, well-functioning lives and relationships.  Yet it often appears that any consumption at all of forbidden substances is illogically dubbed an "addiction" by religious onlookers. 

I do not condone pornography.  I think the effects are disgusting, immoral, demeaning, and inappropriate.  I do not want it in my home.  I do not, however, believe a person is disgusting if they viewed pornography.  I support and agree with what the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints have to say on avoiding pornography.   However, I believe many people too quickly judge - too quickly jump to illogical conclusions. 

I cannot state that I think a person who has ever or currently does watch pornography is not or will not be a good husband or wife.  I do not believe that.  Yes, I have seen real addictions literally destroy families, relationships, and marriages - several very close to me.  Yes, I have seen a person talk to their bishop about a potential problem and be talked down to to such a point, even called disgusting, that they left the church.  Yes, I have also seen real addictions overcome and beautiful futures grow.  And I do mean any addiction here as well as pornography - alcoholism, obesity (food), video games, drugs, etc.  But, I will state again, any consumption does not mean there is an end-all problem. 

And here I come into the definition of what exactly pornography entails.  
Pornography: writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement OR the production of such material.  Pornography comes from the Greek pornographos, meaning "the writing of harlots," from pornē,  a harlot + graphein, to write.

I think each person needs to figure the line of appropriateness for themselves.  I have a friend who struggled with an addiction and, in order to keep his mind clear, will not even look at nude artwork, which is something I find beautiful.  For the ladies?  I'm not even going to get into what I've heard about Fifty Shades of Grey.  

Now that we know the definition of "pornography," what about "addiction?"  
Addiction:  the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Under this definition, someone who has viewed pornography is no more an addict than someone who has had a drink of alcohol is an alcoholic.  I am not condoning these behaviors in any way, don't get me wrong.  I believe these are not healthy behaviors.  What I am saying is that I do not believe a religious person has an addiction simply because they have a behavior contrary to what their leaders teach.  I've seen at least one man fall off the wagon completely and into an addiction because he felt that after his first experience he was already doomed.  I'm sure there are deeper psychological issues behind that decision, but no matter the reasons, the thought pattern disgruntles me.

We need to keep our eyes open and our attentions alerted to avoid temptations.  However, I hardly think that because an individual consumes one bad thing, they are on their path to destruction.

I am not saying to run out and rekindle a relationship with someone you left because of an addiction.  What I am asking is to please not be so quick to jump to a conclusion about someone's moral integrity and mental state.  Please do not exacerbate problems or blow them out of proportion.  Please love people as much as you can.  Please know I put a lot of thought into this post and I hope it reads as I intended.

Post-article, I found this article about women's addictions, which is fascinating: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-dubinsky/porn-addiction_b_1686481.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008

Rated R

If you've been friends with me for any period of time, you've probably heard me utter the words, "I don't watch R-rated movies."  I own over 550 movies and not a single one of them is of that rating.

You see, it is easier to simply give that blanket statement than to say, "If I feel it is a historically important film - aka Schindler's List - then I will watch it.  Or if someone knows me well and can fast forward anything I'm sensitive about then I'm okay.  Or if there is no nudity and only two F-bombs.  Or, or, or."  I hate when people don't know me well and try to convince me to watch something I'm nervous about because, "Well you watched that R-rated film, why not this one?" 

I'm a sensitive soul.  Regardless of if I were LDS or not, I would not watch a lot of the more crude films.  I do not care to see other people's sexy time or explicit guts or drug use or hear the F-bomb fifty times.  I have a very vivid imagination - I get the point.  I have a ClearPlay to edit when in doubt.  Basically, what I'm saying is that I have seen less than two dozen R-rated films in my life because it is just easier, given all the contributing factors to that decision.

Here's where I confuse the snot out of myself.  The filter I have with movies is not the same filter I have with stage productions.  My favorite musical is Jersey Boys.  I haven't counted in any of my three viewings thus far, but I'm pretty sure they drop the F-bomb at least 40 times in that show.  Once and Next to Normal  are both productions with some heavy swearing and mature content, yet both are shows I would highly recommend.  Honestly?  These productions enrich me instead of offend me.  Greatly enrich me...touching some place deep inside of me I rarely know exists except when I am enraptured in these shows.

Back to the movies. 

Two nights ago I had my first experience with Waiting for Guffman.  It is rated-R.  And I love this movie - I laughed my face off (I'd say laughed my butt off, but it is still quite prominently there...as is my face, but you get the point).  If you have ever been in any community theater production, this movie should be on your must-see list.

But what about the rating?  I am disillusioned.  Was this movie offensive or crass?  Not at all, in my opinion.  In fact, I would venture to say that at least half of the PG-13 movies I have recently seen were much, much, much more assaulting to sensitivities. 

So where is the line?  R-rated films are of the devil, right?  I'm afraid to say that is far from true.  A good standard, yes, but not all-encompassing.

What are your opinions and viewing habits on pirate movies?  Pirate movies?  Yes.  Rated Arrrrrrggggghhhh.

X-Men Religion

Sunday, I was part of a discussion on how each of us has a role in the grand scheme of life.* 

I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander to the likes of the Fantastic Four and the X-Men.  I'm not a geek, I swear, just bear with me.  I almost just said "bare" with me, but then that would be an entirely different and inappropriate blog.  *Ahem* back to the point.

Have you ever seen the climax to an X-Men movie that involves only one of the heroes saving the day?

No.

Typically, even the strongest member is quite vulnerable alone.  They all have to work together.  Each of them has been given a gift to provide unity as they work together to become one harmonious entity.  These characters accept their gifts for what they are and do their best to maximize the potential of that gift.  You don't see Wolverine trying to turn invisible, or Cyclops trying to fly. 

God has divinely bestowed upon each of us special gifts meant exclusively for us.  Maybe I think turning invisible is super cool, but my gift is to shoot laser beams out of my eyes.  I need to learn how to harness that gift to best serve the team I am working with in this crazy world.

Why did The Big Guy do this?  Why did He give us each something different instead of giving us each everything we need?  I think it is because we need to learn to work together, to become one, to attain the most Christ-like, God-like state we can together.

*1 Corinthians, Chapter 12

Important

I found this over on Kristie's blog.

And I couldn't agree more.

Being healthy, religious, educated, in love - the list goes on - if it is important to you, you will find a way.  If not, you will find an excuse. 

Elf: An Argument for Validity as a Christmas Classic

In objection to this abhorrent post regarding the movie, "Elf," I submit this entry.

I am not a Will Ferrell fan.  In fact, I can't think of a single movie of his that I enjoy.  Except for "Elf."   Something about his child-like mugging for the camera actually works in this scenario.

Does "Elf" in any way address the true meaning of Christmas?

What is the true meaning of Christmas?  A Google search of this will lead you to quite the array of Christian web sites.  So, I will tell you what I believe to be the true meaning of Christmas:  Christ's birth and a world-wide celebration of Christ-like love.

Does "Elf" touch upon this?

Yes.  Although hidden in fields of candy canes and gum drops, Christ-like love representation is obviously there.  All of the characters are skeptical of this "outcast" at first, but all of them grow to love him unconditionally, in spite of all of his flaws, whether in the North Pole as a baby or New York as an adult. This is a story of a father and son from different worlds who learn to connect. I'm not asserting this movie has a Christ-figure, simply the representation of love.

How could I say, "No. 'Elf' has no spirit of Christmas?"  There is more than enough about the holiday season that makes no sense in celebrating the birth of Christ.  If one is going to get that stingy with a definition, then we wouldn't be able to qualify most of the movies we love this time of year.  "Miracle on 34th Street," "It's a Wonderful Life," "White Christmas."  We would lose the songs that tickle our ears, "Let it Snow," again "White Christmas," "I'll be Home For Christmas, and more.  How many of them talk about the birth of Christ?  None.  Yet all of them make us feel the glow of the holiday season.

We need to be loose with our definitions of "Christmas Classics."  Does the movie make me feel warm and fuzzy and want to celebrate the holidays in a loving way?  Check!

Now, whether or not a person enjoys the movie is entirely objective and understandable.  But I don't think you can argue that "Elf" is not a new Christmas classic to many, many people out there.  Perhaps it is using all of the secular symbols of Christmas to fill it out, but it makes many smile (Smiling's my favorite!) and could warm the cockles of even old Scrooge's heart.

Christmas time, for non-Christians, has mostly metamorphosed into what translates as a season of Christ-like love instead of a celebration of Christ's birth.  Some people abhor this.  I find it fascinating and wonderful - that the whole world can gather together in a celebration of love.  For those of us who worship Christ, we can celebrate His birth, as HE is the reason for the season...while continuing to love and honor others and their beliefs.  Wouldn't Christ want us to all care for and respect each other in a generous and selfless way?

The movie constantly refers to "Christmas Cheer."  What is Christmas cheer anyway?  I think that is part of what makes this movie great.  I hear the ambiguous term and feel whatever Christmas cheer is to me.  I'm sure my definition is different from the next person.  But we can all relate to this vague concept without it being spelled out for us, whatever our beliefs are.

This truly is the most wonderful time of the year.  And I think "Elf" makes this time of year a little more wonderful for me.

The end.

PS - Ye of the "abhorrent post," you knew this was coming and you know I love you despite our conflicting beliefs:-)