To Keep or Not to Keep - The Sabbath Day Holy: Part 2

I did not keep the Sabbath day holy 8-10 Sundays per year as a youth.

That choice ranks up there as one of the best decisions I ever made.

For various reasons, including potential hip surgery for my sister, coordination, and combining the elements of dance, baton, and gymnastics in one great session, my mother enrolled us in baton twirling classes with the Julie-ettes baton studio at a very young age.  I didn't love it for the first six years because I never felt pushed or challenged and the girls were often cruel - especially the class I had when I was 11 and chunked up to a larger size than I am at 32.   So I quit for a year.  When I returned, under the promise things would be better, they weren't.  My mother and I were out one day when she decided to stop by the studio to sign up my older sister for the next year.  The teacher tried to convince me to come back, but upon inspecting the names of the girls in the two classes she was considering me for, I cried and said no way.  Then, she pointed to a class and said, "This may be too advanced for you and you may feel overwhelmed, but what about this one?"  I looked.  I knew no one.  The chance at a challenge and a fresh start won me over.

Long story short, by the end of that year, I was in love with baton and skilled enough to make the second most advanced competition team.  But that's a story for another time.  For eight childhood years, I had watched the competition teams in awe, only dreaming that one day I would be anywhere near as talented as those girls.  Just imagine my excitement when the teacher let me know that not only was I good enough, but she wanted me on her team.

But there was a problem.

I had already begged and pleaded with my parents to let me participate in a competitive gymnastics team earlier that year when the coaches advanced me to team status.  Gymnastics team had about ten competitions throughout the state each year.

But there was a bigger problem.

Baton competitions were about eight times a year...on Sundays.  I'd grown up hearing stories of children who would not play a championship whatever-sport-you-choose game because it was on a Sunday, listening to the woes of those whose circumstances forced them to work on Sundays, experiencing the joys that Sundays were the Lord's time for families, knowing my family never shopped or spent money on Sundays....the list goes on.

Yet I could not shake the dream of a baton competition team.  I approached my parents with knots in my stomach about the money, the commitment, the breaking of a commandment...

And here is one of many experiences when I learned, with no uncertainty, the unconditional love of my parents - the love I much imagine our Heavenly Parents feel for us.  I'm not sure what went on behind closed doors, but I do know my parents let me know this was ultimately my decision and they would do all they could to support me. 

Of course I prayed about it - that's what Christian children do.  I could not shake the feeling, as a twelve year old, that the Lord would not only understand, but encourage and support me in this dream.

I had worked so incredibly hard that my first year of competing, I earned a place in the most advanced level for my remaining four years until graduation.  There are many reasons one can see for this advancement - hard work, determination, challenge - but I see blessings.  Many of them.  And support.  And love.  Going from a beginning-level class, to the most advanced in two years' time is no coincidence in my book.

Ultimately, I competed several Sundays a year for five years.

I also missed church for one other reason throughout the year:
My grandparents and aunt/uncle/cousins lived in northern Ohio and we would sometimes visit them for the weekends, going to church with them.

Any particular Sunday, I'd get a teasing comment from some adult like, "Oh good, you are here!  We were worried you you were going inactive."  Now, sit back and imagine to yourselves how this makes an impressionable adolescent feel.

I was in seminary every single morning at 6am.  I was often in church in Lorain, Ohio instead of Piqua, Ohio.  In fact, between baton, gymnastics, show choir, twirling for the band, and being in all AP classes, my seminary teacher would notice my extreme exhaustion on occasion and tell me she'd fail me if I didn't stay home that week.  I love her.

In spite of all of the signs that I was an active kid with my head on my shoulders correctly and very active-in-the-church parents, I was ridiculed by adults.  Similar behaviors to this chased my older and my younger sister's away, but more on that in my upcoming posts on modesty.

The thing is, I feel that the observance of the Sabbath is a personal decision between you and the Lord.  As a youth, that decision was between me, the Lord, and my parents.  Maybe your decisions will never be those that anyone else understands.  But if you truly, truly feel the Lord supports you and you are working as a team on your path, then more power to you!

Some of my greatest memories with my mother are from our trips to competitions staying in cheap motels, seeing a movie the night before, her always trying to calm my nerves, her treating me to one of my favorite restaurants, her supporting me and loving me enough to be there, the list goes on.

My little sister followed in my footsteps - competing herself for about ten years.  Because of baton team, my family was able to take many vacations together - Florida, California, Texas, Colorado, Kansas, and more.  Our first trips to Disneyland, Disney World, Universal Studios, a Mexican Cruise - all because of baton team. 

Through my Ox-in-the-mire decision to break the Sabbath, I was able to learn life lessons that I honestly do not feel as if I would have learned elsewhere.  I 1,000% feel as if I did learn the importance of keeping the Sabbath day holy through my choices.  And another great principle called agency.   And another miraculous principle called unconditional love.  Too many people function out of fear when it comes to God, but God is all-loving and all-knowing.  He will support you. 


What did I learn and gain?

The value of team work
The importance of pulling your weight on the team - your personal decisions can make or break the entire team
Personal dedication
Work Ethic
Compromise
Anger Management - trust me, when someone else's baton flies into your face and bloodies your lip whilst chipping your tooth, you have to learn to keep your cool and realize it was not intentional
Working through pain
The joy of winning
The pain of losing
Knowing that doing the very best you can is always most important, but does not always mean you will win
Respecting competition
Realizing sometimes life isn't fair
Realizing the Lord will support you in unconventional decisions and is proud of us executing our agency
Self-confidence
Self-esteem
Exemplification that hard work can help you accomplish your dreams
Talents should be shared

I wish more people could see our Heavenly Father for who He truly is.  I also wish you all could see how amused people get, almost like watching a freak show, when they ask me to twirl for them and I comply.


Read Part 1

To Keep or Not to Keep - The Sabbath Day Holy: Part 1

Exodus 20:8
Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

What exactly is our expectation of keeping the Sabbath day holy?  What does that even mean?  Are there exceptions? 

I've often asked myself these questions as a Christian and as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I also often think of the Ox and the Mire, where Christ is teaching the principle of keeping the Sabbath day holy, but that there are times when one must make exceptions. 

Luke 1:5
And answered them, saying, Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen into a pit, and will not straightway pull him out on the Sabbath day?

One of the best articles I found on this topic "Will the Real Ox in the Mire Please Stand Up," by Franklyn W. Dunford and Phillip R Kunz, read, "Some have understood this to mean that under certain circumstances it is permissible to violate covenants we have made with the Lord, the justification being that we are getting our oxen out of the mire....However, evidence suggests that many of us misinterpret and misuse the intent of this principle."

The article goes on to provide some rather amusing survey statistics (the article was written in 1972) about the reasons people give for disobeying the commandment - being asked on a date, being hungry after church, no bread for sacrament, etc.  We read, "A good example of this misuse emerges from a study we recently conducted that focused upon the Sunday shopping activity of active Latter-day Saint Church members. We surveyed two ward memberships.  78 percent reported that they shop on Sundays. This is surprising when we consider that 99.6 percent of this group reported that they understand the Church’s position to be, in principle, against Sunday shopping; when 89 percent reported both that they personally feel that the principle against Sunday shopping is important and that in principle Sunday shopping is wrong."

They continue, "At this point one may wonder just what the Savior meant... One may feel that he needs to examine his judgments on issues such as what he should and should not do on the Sabbath, what constitutes and does not constitute a modest dress standard, what distinguishes honest business dealings from shrewd dealings, what is and what is not gossip, and so forth.

With the Law of Moses, A higher law was initiated that was founded on the fullness of the gospel. Agency came to play an increasingly significant role as man was given principles by which he could work out his own salvation. Central to this plan is the need for him to seriously commit himself to the covenants he makes with the Lord.

This commitment removes the obligation from the law and places it on the individual. Under these circumstances it is imperative that we deal honestly with ourselves.   We must very carefully differentiate between deceitful rationalization and honest justification of our actions."

Knowing that we are held accountable and trusted to know the difference between rationalization and honest exceptions, what are your feelings on keeping the Sabbath day holy?

What do you feel are appropriate exceptions?

Should children be denied growth opportunities in activities on Sundays, or does abstaining provide growth opportunities?

Because I've got a story.  All about me.  And all about how my regular violation of keeping the Sabbath day holy as a youth was one of the greatest and most formative blessings in my life. 

The Pornography Problem

Pornography addiction destroys families.

Pornography addiction destroys lives.

Pornography addiction destroys.  Period.

My question is this: Do you think that some folks in the LDS faith, or any religion for that matter, are too quick to state that any consumption of pornography is an addiction? 

For most religious people, there is a shroud of mystery surrounding this thing that is constantly referred to as one of the biggest problems in our society today.  Of course curiosity is going to catch hold of folks - male and female.   I believe that almost all adolescents have been exposed to pornography in some form, whether on accident or intentionally seeking it out.  I have heard many women state that any man who has ever looked at pornography in any way is automatically disqualified as a future spouse candidate.  Call me a fool, and good for these gals for holding out, but I truly believe the percentage of men who have never been exposed to this would optimistically be somewhere between 1% - 5% - and that is within religious congregations.  (this is my own random, non-fact based statistic - don't judge)  We are viewing the world through rose-colored glasses if we truly believe the majority of people have not been exposed. 

I know men who are not particularly religious who will consume this type of "entertainment" a few times a year and have perfectly normal, healthy, well-functioning lives and relationships.  Yet it often appears that any consumption at all of forbidden substances is illogically dubbed an "addiction" by religious onlookers. 

I do not condone pornography.  I think the effects are disgusting, immoral, demeaning, and inappropriate.  I do not want it in my home.  I do not, however, believe a person is disgusting if they viewed pornography.  I support and agree with what the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints have to say on avoiding pornography.   However, I believe many people too quickly judge - too quickly jump to illogical conclusions. 

I cannot state that I think a person who has ever or currently does watch pornography is not or will not be a good husband or wife.  I do not believe that.  Yes, I have seen real addictions literally destroy families, relationships, and marriages - several very close to me.  Yes, I have seen a person talk to their bishop about a potential problem and be talked down to to such a point, even called disgusting, that they left the church.  Yes, I have also seen real addictions overcome and beautiful futures grow.  And I do mean any addiction here as well as pornography - alcoholism, obesity (food), video games, drugs, etc.  But, I will state again, any consumption does not mean there is an end-all problem. 

And here I come into the definition of what exactly pornography entails.  
Pornography: writings, pictures, films, etc, designed to stimulate sexual excitement OR the production of such material.  Pornography comes from the Greek pornographos, meaning "the writing of harlots," from pornē,  a harlot + graphein, to write.

I think each person needs to figure the line of appropriateness for themselves.  I have a friend who struggled with an addiction and, in order to keep his mind clear, will not even look at nude artwork, which is something I find beautiful.  For the ladies?  I'm not even going to get into what I've heard about Fifty Shades of Grey.  

Now that we know the definition of "pornography," what about "addiction?"  
Addiction:  the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

Under this definition, someone who has viewed pornography is no more an addict than someone who has had a drink of alcohol is an alcoholic.  I am not condoning these behaviors in any way, don't get me wrong.  I believe these are not healthy behaviors.  What I am saying is that I do not believe a religious person has an addiction simply because they have a behavior contrary to what their leaders teach.  I've seen at least one man fall off the wagon completely and into an addiction because he felt that after his first experience he was already doomed.  I'm sure there are deeper psychological issues behind that decision, but no matter the reasons, the thought pattern disgruntles me.

We need to keep our eyes open and our attentions alerted to avoid temptations.  However, I hardly think that because an individual consumes one bad thing, they are on their path to destruction.

I am not saying to run out and rekindle a relationship with someone you left because of an addiction.  What I am asking is to please not be so quick to jump to a conclusion about someone's moral integrity and mental state.  Please do not exacerbate problems or blow them out of proportion.  Please love people as much as you can.  Please know I put a lot of thought into this post and I hope it reads as I intended.

Post-article, I found this article about women's addictions, which is fascinating: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-dubinsky/porn-addiction_b_1686481.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008