Wednesday, April 17, 2013

When do you Reveal the Deal-Breakers?

I've talked about deal-breakers before.

You can talk about what your deal-breakers are amongst your girlfriends, from your run-of-the-mill, "No finger nail biters," to your, "I couldn't handle if a man/woman had been bankrupt," to your "I couldn't handle it if a man/woman had been arrested several times."

The big question is this: Do you save the deal-breakers for love, or do you reveal them up front?

I've always been of the opinion that, in my relationships, I want to know up front.  I understand there is a time and a place and a relationship of trust one must establish, but I want pretty straight-forward pretty darned quickly.  If you've got a past or a struggle you are working on, I want to know.  That way, I can work with you instead of feeling as if you have been keeping secrets from me or waiting to bombard me.  Perhaps you can factor in a few past experiences that violated my trust in a big way (don't worry, my current beau is completely worthy of all of the trust he has earned, and, yes, he had to work hard to earn it) if you want to know the basis of my opinion.  I want to see all the cards on the table to fully evaluate the situation.  There may not be a lot of logic in relationships, but I sure like to pretend there is.

I have friends, however, that want to be in love before they reveal the deal-breakers. They want to know a person sees who they are through those flaws.

What do you think?


Eve said...

I am honest to a fault. Sometimes I think if we reveal our flaws too soon--we make the entire relationship about the flaws. I think before entering a relationship, you need to make peace with your flaws as an individual. Making peace doesn't mean solving it--but finding peace that one day at a time, with faith and effort, you can become a better person--whether you're in a relationship or not. It always comes up when people are honest. If it doesn't come up sooner, I'll wonder about the honesty--but I understand. We live in a culture of shame--(something I am trying to change in my own life)--and we need to forgive one another for naturally being inclined to hide at first. Hopefully, things will come up at an organic moment.

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