As I get older, I often worry if I am becoming "hardened" or "past feeling" because I don't feel as upset about something in my life as I did when I first went through the experience.
I read this thought today that helped to calm my worries:
"When we first encounter or anticipate a difficult or painful life circumstance, we may be overcome with fear, dread, shock, or horror. As we come to terms with these life challenges, we begin to accept them for what they are. This frees up our mind to actually start working on productive solutions or adaptation. As you begin to accept things as they are, you become less frantic, and can actually have more influence on potential outcomes."
I feel a little as if I am walking around on a broken foot. Sure, I can make it look easy and painless and even quite normal, but inside I am aching with every move. Just because I am walking and learning to move doesn't mean I don't hurt. Part of me feels I have to keep hurting to remind myself how much I cared, how much I still care, how much I will for some time to come...
Good to know that accepting this and healing will never take away from the sincerity of those feelings.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure to keep it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of our selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
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