Monday, February 2, 2009

Just Friends

Two of my dear friends are having this debate: Can Guys and Girls ever be Just Friends?

My two cents:

I think that if you are friends with a person, male or female, there is something about them you are attracted to. If that element of what attracts you to them disappears, the friendship probably will as well.

Most often in opposite gender relationships, there is romantic inclination/expectation on one part or the other, not both. (That is where I am usually the big sucker, but anyway...)

Guys and girls can most definitely be friends as long as an element of expectation is made clear. If one of you establishes you will never date, then you can move past that "awkward moment," evaluate if whatever initially attracted you is enough foundation for a lasting friendship, and make the best of what you have to offer each other.



Vanessa Swenson said...

Thoughts? That it's really, really hard to only be friends. I've done it, however.
But, one wonders if the other person doesn't have some form of expectation.

Shayla said...

wow. I think you explained it better than most. GOOD JOB!!! Now you do you let creep #1, creep #2, creep #3, creep #4, creep #5, etc, know that there is such a thing as JUST AND ONLY FRIENDS with NO HOPE of climbing that ladder? :)

jeff said...

It's not something we like to think or talk about, but chances are that some of the guys who just hang out in a platonic way are gay.

Those cases aside...I agree with your last paragraph. I think most guys (though probably not all) can/will only become close friends (more than casual friends or acquaintances) with girls that they are interested in dating. Like you said, if an unsuccessful attempt at a dating relationship is made, there will be awkwardness, but it can be overcome and the friendship maintained.

Jon said...

I think it all depends on the emotional maturity of the two involved. If you can control your emotions (yes, people, it's possible), you maintain close friendships with anyone, even if you have a crush on them. It's possible for two people who have crushes on each other to be just friends for a lifetime, because they are so afraid of making things awkward that they never show signs of their interest. One may argue that such a relationship isn't a "just friends" relationship, but I can tell you from personal experience that I've had several successful "just friends" relationships with girls I've had crushes on--including an ex-girlfriend.

Jenny said...

Well, since being married, I have become friends with some of my friends' husbands. That doesn't mean we'd hang out on the weekend together alone or anything. Sure there is an attraction to someone -- whether it's same sense of humor or common interests, but that doesn't mean it's a sexual attraction. Before being married, I would say that I was just friends with a lot of guys -- though at some point there was always the question "Could this be more?" It's important to explore that option, but now that I've found my "more"...and my friends and their husbands have found their own "more," I think we can just all hang out and have friends. Is that naive?