Bad Friend

I've been wondering lately: Bad Friend = Larissa?

I've missed every recent baby/bridal shower to which I've been invited. I only manage to make it to half my friend's wedding receptions/birthday parties/any-occasion parties. I used to be the most amazing birthday wisher ever on the planet. Heck, I even remembered anniversaries of weddings/engagements/first dates, and kids' birthdays! But now? I know the most important things going on, I suppose, and I have good intentions...

I've driven to North Carolina, Colorado, Indiana, Idaho - all in the name of loved ones joining in matrimonial bliss. For no particular reason, I've visited loved ones in California, Vegas, Virginia, New York, Carolina's, Colorado, Washington, Idaho, New Mexico, Alabama, Kentucky....you get the point. Maybe these are worth it for the one-on-one attention I get? Is that selfish?

As the years wear on and I have attended my six-dozenth shower or reception, they don't seem as special or exciting to me. After I have wished the same person "Happy Birthday" thirty times, it doesn't seem like I mean it or like it even matters.

But I know it is important to that person. It shouldn't matter that theirs is the 3rd reception I've attended that week - it is their special day that they want me to share with them.

I feel pangs of guilt for every event I miss. Then I realize I can't hit everything, so I just don't hit anything and try to convince myself my presence doesn't matter.

Then I look at my Facebook list of friends. Over 700 people on that list (yeah, I'm soooooo cyber popular), only one of whom I don't personally know, but even he is my lil sis's boyfriend. There is no humanly possible way to keep up with that kind of load. Not all of my friends even have Facebook!

Being a friend should be a desire, not a job. I need to find that balance. Where is it?

I do love my friends more than they will ever know. They have been my family these past eleven years while I have lived in Utah and my family is in Ohio. They are my breath of life and light and joy. Please, if I've missed an important time for you, know I'm doing my best and I love you!