Do Crocodiles even cry?
Not the point. I am a girl. I cry. I hate being vulnerable enough to cry.
I struggle with the fact that I am not a stone-hearted, tearless individual. I somehow gauge "how I am doing" with how much I am not crying. But what's the big deal?
I have never cried at a movie. I pride myself on this. But seriously - isn't it better to be in touch with your emotions and feelings and let it out? Or does my lack of water-emitting over fake plots just mean that I have more control over my emotions?
I have several times gone stretches of at least a year without crying. What kind of a game am I winning with that?
Recently, I've wanted to cry a lot - so I do, I let myself cry. Yet the second someone else sees me or asks if I'm ok, I apologize profusely. But why? I've even got myself so psyched out about crying that half the time I want to I can't! But I'm a girl, I'm human - I should just be allowed to cry!
I hate having this internal conflict. I'd like to say I'll cry more, but this vulnerability is not something I'm willing to accept yet. And seriously, "crying face" is probably God's greatest reason for us not to cry :-)