Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Crocodile Tears

Do Crocodiles even cry?

Not the point. I am a girl. I cry. I hate being vulnerable enough to cry.

I struggle with the fact that I am not a stone-hearted, tearless individual. I somehow gauge "how I am doing" with how much I am not crying. But what's the big deal?

I have never cried at a movie. I pride myself on this. But seriously - isn't it better to be in touch with your emotions and feelings and let it out? Or does my lack of water-emitting over fake plots just mean that I have more control over my emotions?

I have several times gone stretches of at least a year without crying. What kind of a game am I winning with that?

Recently, I've wanted to cry a lot - so I do, I let myself cry. Yet the second someone else sees me or asks if I'm ok, I apologize profusely. But why? I've even got myself so psyched out about crying that half the time I want to I can't! But I'm a girl, I'm human - I should just be allowed to cry!

I hate having this internal conflict. I'd like to say I'll cry more, but this vulnerability is not something I'm willing to accept yet. And seriously, "crying face" is probably God's greatest reason for us not to cry :-)


Mena said...

It's okay to cry. Then suck it up and move on. I prefer to be alone when I'm upset.

Shayla said...

Whatever, I'm SO CUTE with puffy eyes and puffy lips!! yeah...not so attractive. BUT I have had to learn this lesson too and trust me, crying is worth it. As much as I hate it, it's a great stress reliever, as long as you get it ALL out and not just half way.

Anna said...

Let it all out lady! Sometimes thats the only thing that helps. Dont deprive yourself from feeling the emotions of the situation...feel it and move on.

Brent & Andrea said...

I agree, let it out. Experiencing emotion is what life is about. You cry because you care, and you should care. I truly have a phobia about crying in front of other people and it's miserable. Just let yourself cry and do what you need to do. Love ya!