Monday, November 10, 2008

Horror Movie

Friday was a dark and stormy night...

I had turned off all the lights and snuggled into the coziness of my down comforter. As I am about to drift off into what I can only imagine were dreams of blissful sugar plum fairies and little dancing ballerinas, "BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!" - A dear friend decided to hold a conversation with me via text. This particular friend cares for my kitty when I am out of town (aka, has a key), so I thought perhaps he had played a joke on me by moving something in my room from one side to the other, just to see if I would notice in my obscene neat-freakiness. I asked. Nope. Something little out of place, my first que of the events to play out over the next 30 minutes.

Those of you who know me know that I love all my friends no matter what time of the day or night and very quickly lose my magical texting thumb power and will initiate a real conversation soon enough, so, I pick up the phone and dial.

In the middle of a sentence I was abruptly cut off - not an unusual occurrence in my hillside condo. I look at my phone and try to reconnect - it keeps sending me the same disturbing message, "Cannot locate signal." Huh? I stretch my arm out into the dark abyss beyond my bed and towards the window..."Cannot locate signal."

Immediately, my childhood fears wrap their sticky little tentacles around my imagination.
What if there is an intruder in my house who found some newfangled way to block cell phone signals? These new invaders are one step up from the days of cutting the phone cord.
I next hear my door creak open. WHAT?!? Ok, wait, I have a kitty who opens doors - perhaps it was her. Something brushes against the side of my bed - a large something too big to be little Conor.
Like Michael Phelps, I lightning-paced swim through my covers to the center of my bed and proceed to cover my head. I look at my phone again, "Cannot locate signal."
What if someone is IN my room hovering over me right this second? The heater kicks on. The cat is opening more doors - I hope. I call for her - usually she is squeaking and purring loud enough for me to hear when she is getting into mischief. Nothing.
What if the bad guys got her? What if they broke her neck and tossed her over the balcony before they come to get me?
What if there are TWO bad guys and one is inside while the other waits outside in case I try to bolt?
I then imagine a scheme where one bad guy rings the doorbell whilst the other lurks inside, then they both pounce me as I go to the door.
I try to text a friend, "I'm really freaked out right now." No signal - but the light from the display catches the shadows of my room enough for me to realize I am alone for the time being. Whew!
WHAT?!?! Are you friggin' kidding me?
The bad guys must KNOW I'm a sucker and am going to answer that door before I take a leap from the window. Yes, I had already devised how to jump out and land in the softest locale two floors below. I had even decided which direction to run, screaming like a fire engine.
I eek towards the peep hole -would mean guy be peeping back? I hadn't even grabbed my batons for defense! I look. Ok, that is definitely a man out there. I look closer....that man appears to be a LOT like aforementioned friend.
I begin to fiddle with the lock. Late-night visitor turns his head towards the light for full disclosure.
I open the door and welcome my newest hero with a HUGE hug. "I am SO glad you came!"
He was rather baffled and amused.
I then told him allllllll about the thoughts that had been blazing through my mind and all of my elaborate schemes I had concocted in those brief terrifying moments under my comforter, which was definitely not doing its job of comforting.
He had, however, come over just to make sure everything was alright since the conversation cut out so suddenly and my phone never turned back on.
We had a good laugh, he did a thorough security breach check of my apartment, and we excused ourselves to the sanctity of our own beds.

Looks like I narrowly escaped being the next Halloween movie, "based on actual events." :-)


Megan said...

You are such a dork! But I love it. Also know that I freak myself out in my creepy old house all the time. I have a really hard time staying there at night by myself because there are all sorts of noises... and of course there is Phylis and her cats :)

Anonymous said...

Glad I could be your hero....anytime...:)

Erika said...

I like to consider myself an "extra aware" person. (Some people might call it borderline paranoid). I have had similar experiences where one noise quickly leads to an assumption that the worst-case scenario is about to occur. I definitely have the "fight" instinct, though. I have recently startled my roommates on several different occasions by bolting up in bed in full attack mode when they happen to wake me up.