What Happens When 5 Mormons Dressed as Nuns Perform in a Baptist Church?

Just so you can’t say I didn’t tell you –

It’s time for me to again entertain the masses *cymbal crash* as a singing, tap-dancing, baton-twirling, ballerina nun.  

The cast members of Nunsense, including me, were on ABC4 this morning.  

The musical comedy, runs tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday (March 21, 22, and 23) each night at 7:30 pm at the First Baptist Church on 3831 S. 2700 W.  Tickets are $7 each. 

To quote the show, "Though we're on our way to heaven, we're here to raise some hell!" 

Hit and Run

One year ago today I bought my car.

Exciting, I know.

Today I got a car wash in celebration of a fantastic first year together, then lamented at the paint-cracked, scratched rear bumper from my hit-and-run.

I never told you about that, did I?

I headed home for the evening January 16, all excited to have a girly evening, involving the fantastic Leah Jacobs doing my hairs for me.  I almost hate that there is something so wonderful about the feeling of being pampered and sprucing up with a little cut/color.  Silly money-wasting things like this should not feel so blasted fantastic!  To make the evening even better, I always pick us up some dinner for us, which requires commuting a different direction than normal.

Murray State Street during rush hour can make you feel as if you are a chess piece on a board with three times as many pieces as there should be, shuffled against your will in a general direction by an unseen hand.  With my destination in sight, I pulled up one-car's length behind the car in front of me at a stop light, as per proper-driving rules.  Yes, I'm a law-abiding driver to a fault. 

Before I could realize what was happening, I found myself slamming on my brakes, my gym bag flying off the seat, and my head flipping backwards into the headrest.  There is a moment of panic no one can quite describe in a situation like that.  To say I was an idiot is mild.  I put my car in park and got out in the middle of four rush-hour lanes of traffic.  The scruffy young riff-raff who hit me did the same.

His license plate dangled from one overly-jagged screw on his ghetto early-90s tan compact truck.  My little blue Honda was covered in winter salt and sludge, but I could clearly see the cracked paint, the outline of a license plate, and two screw-punctures exactly where his license plate met my bumper.  He smiled and said, "Well, there's no damage, so I'm fine if you're fine!"
"Umm...there actually is damage."
"Really?  I don't see any?"
"Umm..yes there is, right here. (I gesture to the two holes and the scratches as I try to brush off the grime)."
"Oh, okay, so you wanna pull over into that parking lot right there and get information?"
As I looked down at his license plate to memorize the digits thinking that I'd be an idiot not to, I responded, "Yeah...yeah...we're gonna have to do that."

Riff-Raff got back in his truck with his tattered clothes and equally bedraggled looking company.  I signaled to turn left, made sure he was behind me, then turned.  Would you believe that as soon as I turned left, he took off?  Yep.  And would you believe that in my panic I forgot all but the first three digits of his plate?

Lesson learned.  My estimate for the damage is only $600, which isn't even worth submitting to the insurance, but it it the principle of the thing, you know?  Knowing what I know about insurance, I would have, in all likelihood, let that scraggly young man go if he'd have let me know his situation instead of dishonestly running off.

I'm a big believer in the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have others do to you."  All I can do is shrug my shoulders and keep smiling.  C'est la vie!

I know, I know - it really isn't that bad, but keep in mind this photo was taken in the dark and you can't see both punctures clearly, the outline dents of the violater's plate, or the cracked paint running the length of the bumper.

 

The Appearance of Evil

Want to read a controversial guest-post I did for The Cultural Hall Podcast? 

I'm warning you, this is a totally vanilla, boring topic for most  of the world, which explains why I have been insulted for the very first time with the word "insipid."

However, for the LDS audience, sleeping in the same hotel room as your boyfriend is quite the hullabaloo.  Who knew?   Apparently you can't sleep in the same room without having sex.  Except that I can.

Read the post.

My Diagnosis

Over the past two years, many of you have asked me, "Why aren't you doing shows anymore?"

Many of you have come to your own conclusions.  I have told many of you that I felt a sense of closure and I wanted to concentrate more on my personal relationships.  While both of these things are true, there is a third item that I hadn't mentioned except to a few of you in personal, one-on-one conversations.

I have been in pain for almost two years.  My throat, when I sang, would feel as if I had razor blades slicing up and down my vocal chord area.  No home remedy I tried eased the pain...nothing worked except for not using my singing voice.  Because the most severe pain directly coincided with a show I was doing where I'd speak like a boy one moment, then belt out D's the next, I was petrified I had nodes.

You've all seen Pitch Perfect (and if you haven't, you need to).   While they make light of "living with nodes," the truth is they are no laughing matter.  Most singers lose their chutzpah after being treated.  Some are even told they will never sing again.

Can you imagine being told you will never again do the thing you have loved to do most your entire life?  Can you imagine losing the one thing that has always made you feel safe?  Can you imagine losing the one way you feel you can truly express your deepest emotions?

Even though I'm merely an amateur community-theater show-tune lover, the thought broke my heart.  The thought lead me to many nights secretly shedding tears, pretending to others like my plight was no big deal.  Excuse after excuse spewed forth from my mouth instead of music.  Seeing the doctor meant I might hear words that would drop my glass heart from a skyscraper and shatter all of my dreams.  For two years, I have repeated these words in my nightmares, "You will never sing again.  You will never sing again.  You will never sing again."

Recently, I was asked to be a part of Nunsense - A Musical.  I defied my fears, yet with each rehearsal the pain once again sliced me with razor edges.  I'd often feel, "My voice is too tired to talk," accompanied with the thought, "You are an idiot - you could be causing more damage." 

As happens in life, whether emotional, spiritual, or physical, sometimes the pain becomes too much to stand another day without seeking a solution.

I made an appointment with a doctor I felt drawn to for some inexplicable reason.  Immediately, my fear became excitement...excitement that I would  finally know what had been inflicting me for so long.

After making the appointment, I found old e-mails from musically-gifted friends who had had nodes, referring me to this doctor.  At the appointment, I ran into an old friend who, unbeknownst to me, is a doctor at that facility.  All of these things continued to make me feel at ease.

Have you ever had your throat scoped?  Incredibly cool and incredibly uncomfortable. True to my tough-girl form, I only gagged once! 

The doctor quickly calmed my fears, "Well, you aren't Adele!"  No nodes!

But what the heck was wrong with me then?

"See that redness, swelling, and generally raw-looking skin around your chords?  You have Laryngopharyngeal Reflux." 

Folks, I've never had heartburn a day in my life.  I was baffled.  Doc let me know he refers to my condition as "singer's reflux", or "silent reflux," because he finds it most often in singers and we don't have any other symptoms aside from throat pain and hoarseness.   The only treatment is to follow a rather stringent list of dietary rules, sleeping-position rules, and to take medication every morning and every night.  These treatments may not be things I have to do forever, but at least for the next few months.

The best news I could have ever imagined hearing from the doctor (who was so sweet and almost as excited as I was)?

"Yes!  You are free to sing!  Within three weeks, you should be pain-free!" 

I'm not comfortable with the idea of having a "disease."  I'm the healthy girl, right?  The one who always marks the box, "Not taking any medications."  The one who goes to the gym every day.  The one who carries bananas and fiber-protein bars in her purse as snacks.  The one who only gets legitly sick maybe once every two years.  Now I have to put two real pills in my vitamin containers?   Not my idea of fun.

But you know what is my idea of fun?  Singing at the top of my lungs, unreserved, unabashed, and FREE!

Random Thoughts

1. Wendy's started using sweet pickles on their .95 hamburger instead of dill.  Bad decision.  Very bad.  Who likes those things?

2. If I get a front-row spot in the gym parking lot, does that mean I have to work out longer?

3. Why are people I know going nuts trying to find someone to choreograph and some singer/dancer's to perform at their event when I (gymnast, dancer, singer, teacher-of-gymnastics, teacher-of-kids-dancing) am sitting right here with the skills and talent pool of friends (even professionals) at my finger tips and have offered to help multiple times? 

4. I have tap shoes and ballet slippers on the front seat of my car and this makes me smile.

5. I was absolutely unphased about
      -I typed the above phrase and must have gotten interrupted because this saved in the draft.  Now I have no idea what I was unphased about.  And that is definitely phasing me.  What is this mysterious thing that doesn't phase me?  Blagh.  I guess I'll never know...

6. Did you know someone hit my car, got out and spoke with me and agreed to pull over to exchange information, then drove away?  Yep.  I'll tell you more about that later.

7. I met, and had conversations with, some pretty amazing people at the Sundance Film Festival -  Jerusha Hess (Austenland, Napoleon Dynamite, Nacho Libre, Gentleman Broncos) and Jim Rash (Community, The Descendants, The Way, Way Back).

8. Todd Bridges (Diff'rent Strokes) showed up at my beau's improv group, Quick Wits, and performed with them.  He's a nice, entertaining fellow and didn't knock anyone out for asking, "Whatchyou talkin' 'bout, Willis?"   And for any improv folks - he plays "Spit Take" like no one you've ever seen.

9. In a week and a half I get to meet three individuals I'm jumping out of my skin about.  I can't tell you two of them until after.  One of them is Terrance Mann - he originated the Broadway roles of Javert in Les Miserables, Beast in Beauty and the Beast, and Chauvelin in The Scarlet Pimpernel.  Yeah, I'm just a wee bit excited.  His version of "If I Can't Love Her" turns me into a puddle of goo.

10.  Raspberry Diet Coke from the Coke Freestyle machine is the best beverage on the planet.

Condom Style

I called my dad on Valentine's Day to have him check out the video of my singing Valentine, but didn't tell him why I wanted him to go to Facebook to check a video.

He asked, "Are you doing the Harlem Shake?"

"Noo...what's that?"

"It's like the new Condom Style."

*silence*

"No, no, no, not that...Gotham Style."

*silence*

"No, no, no...Condom Style...No!  Gangnam Style!  Not Condomn...that would be a whole different dance."

We got a good laugh out of that.  Silly Dad.  

Heart of my Heart

So this has been my Valentine's Day...

(for those who can't access the video due to Facebook restrictions, click here)



How's Yours?

Keeping the Blues Away This Winter: Guest Post

Good morning!  The wonderful Tracy Rose, with Healthline.com, contacted me to see what kind of post my readers may need or enjoy regarding health issues.  With the constant glow behind me of my co-worker's Seasonal Affective Disorder lamp, I figured there are quite a few of us who need advice on conquering the winter blues.  Enjoy!  

Everyone hits bottom some days. But depression is different. Everything seems to come to a stop. Nothing makes you feel good, or even normal. You stop enjoying the little things - and the big things. You have no energy, no motivation, no care for the details of daily existence. Everything makes you sad.

It may not be too surprising that depression is more prevalent during winter months. In fact, there's a whole medical category for repeat episodes of wintertime depression: seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. But what accounts for this peak? Well, the lousy weather and cold certainly don't help. But the real answer is all about light. Some of us are more sensitive to it than others and, generally speaking, the less of it we get each day, the more likely we are to slide into depression.

But seasonal depression isn't inevitable, even if you're susceptible to it. There are a number of concrete steps you can take to avoid the wintertime blues.

1. Get Enough Light

Make sure you get as much sunlight as possible each day, especially in the morning. When you're at home, sit near the window and keep the blinds up. Otherwise, stay outside as much as you can. If you're prone to SAD or other forms of winter depression, you may want to go even further and get a light box. These devices can be costly (depending on the model), but for many people they work better than medication at preventing relapses into seasonal depression.

2. Exercise

Regular exercise is a proven way to fight off depression any time of year. It's recommended for almost everyone who suffers from the condition. It doesn't have to be extreme - walks are a good place to start - as long as it gets your blood pumping. Try to exercise outdoors when you can.

3. Eat Right

It's important to keep a well-balanced diet year-round, but especially during the winter. Low levels of vitamin D may contribute to depression in the winter, so eat foods that contain a lot of it, including fish, fortified dairy products and eggs. Eat from all the healthy food groups: dairy, fruit, vegetables, meats and grains. Get all your recommended nutrients.

4. Sleep Well

Disrupted sleep cycles and insomnia are among the biggest problems for people who suffer from depression. A big step in preventing this is making sure you stick to a regular sleep routine. Go to sleep at the same time, get up at the same time. Observe sleep hygiene: Don't watch TV in bed, don't drink coffee after 2 or 3 p.m., use your bed only for sleeping and sex. Never use alcohol to sleep. The right sleep habits can keep winter depression from getting its foot in the door.

5. Stay Busy

Get involved in things you enjoy, hang out with people you like, spend time with family. Do whatever it is that keeps you active and happy. You may have to kick yourself in the pants during the winter to keep going, but it will help keep you from slipping into the seasonal blues. It's tempting to spend winter indoors, bundled up in front of the tube, but too much of that is a recipe for depression.

6. Coordinate with Your Doctor

If you already have a history of depression, prepare before the season arrives. Talk with your doctor and make sure you have a plan in place to counteract early signs of trouble. If depression does occur, make sure you know how to react and nip it in the bud so it doesn't last all season long. Medication options, therapy plans, these things can be mapped out in advance to give you a fighting chance to keep your winter happy and bright.

No one wants winter depression. The sadness, the loss of energy, the inability to enjoy life can be unbearable, and the snow, cold and endless nights don't help. But these six easy steps make easier to avoid the impact of the seasonal blues and keep your new year going strong.

Valerie Johnston is a health and fitness writer located in East Texas. With ambitions of one day running a marathon, writing for Healthline.com ensures she keeps up-to-date on all of the latest health and fitness news.

Ambien Cooking

My mother was once found in the kitchen in the middle of the night, holding a bowl full of flour, lightly tossing handfuls of flour all over the kitchen.  When my father asked what she was doing, she replied, "I'm cooking."

This story makes me giggle every time I think about it.  I hope it brightens your Friday morning, too!

Heart-Shaped Jewelry

Heart-shaped jewelry is the crown atop the head of cheesiness. 

I know so many out there adore the sentiment of a symbol of love, but it honestly creeps me out in a demented, smiley doll sort of way.  And doesn't the kitty in the heart necklace below just make it ten times worse?  What kind of jewelry do you hope you never receive?  Or do, for that matter?

photo compliments of bradfordexchange.com